As part of an organization wide initiative to promote Gender Diversity in Mid and Senior management, we are conducting this program series for Women Employees for a Global Consulting & Outsourcing Company.

The audience at Chennai was fabulous. The nicest parts of these programs is the feeling that emerges at the end of the program. “All of us have similar challenges and issues. Sharing best practices, building strong networks and creating a support structure is truly empowering and will help us achieve our Goals”

The Campus to Corporate Program is a standard program that we have been running for over 20 years at Shradha HRD.  We have been running this program across Sectors, ranging from Manufacturing to Automobile companies, Pharma, Telecom and the IT/ITES sector.

This program that we ran for an Oil & Gas Public Sector Company was interesting. The “New Hire Induction Program” was staggered. Instead of doing all the programs together, there were 4 sessions staggered across a 6 month period.

What made this program interesting and an absolute value add for the participants was that they came in for each class and discussed how they had implemented learnings and the challenges they faced. As participants had a facilitator, that was external to the organization, they used the sessions as a forum to share their experiences, learn and look at solutions for challenges they encountered in their first jobs.

Last month, at Shradha HRD, we were designing a learning intervention for managers. One component of the module was the skills and behaviors that emotionally intelligent people display. We came across this question during our research.

There is an external vocabulary that can help you describe “the world well”. Then there is an vocabulary that can describe your emotions well. The difference is striking, even though we are speaking about vocabulary in both cases.

While interacting with teenagers, most experiences are “awesome”. A McDonalds burgers, a Professor, a movie and even a trip to the moon would all be categorized as “simply awesome”. The challenge here lies in our inability to correctly label our emotions while going through different life experiences. Emotional intelligence above all is the ability to be in touch with your own emotions. Are you happy, overjoyed or ecstatic. Moved, profoundly impacted or going through a life changing experience.

Building awareness around our own emotions helps us deal with our emotions better. Including anger, pain, depression and despondency !!!!

There is a little bagful of words that we carry around all the time, the one we often refer to as our Vocabulary. We replenish our wardrobes often, throwing out old shirts and dresses that no longer fit and add fresher ones that define us better with each growing year. But that little bag of words remains unchanged.  Years go by and we often hear ourselves saying the same words… “Oh that makes me so mad” “I feel bad” “I am so angry”… especially with our feelings, we tend to use very few and generic words to express how we feel.

While all of us experience a wide array of emotions, only a select few can accurately identify them and use the right words to express them. This capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them is what is known as emotional Intelligence. Research shows that only 36 % of people have the words to do this.  Without the insights into exactly what we are feeling and without the right words to express them, we are binging on many problems. Unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

While many might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “disappointed” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it and what you should do about it.Like the anecdotal angry career women profiled in the #shradhahrdblog#, Recognizing and identifying emotions is a prerequisite for developing emotional intelligence.

So growing our kitty of words, with feeling words and self awareness is just one of the five things we can do to be more emotionally Intelligent at the workplace. According to David Goleman there are 4 more- self regulation, intrinsic motivation,Empathy and Social Skills.  Developing these skills improves our Emotional quotient which plays a vital role in many everyday decisions we make at the work place, such as how  we deal with pressure,  decisions on promoting, hiring and firing employees and dealing with conflict and change.

Pack then a bag of feeling words and get on the long but rewarding journey of emotional intelligence.  It is a journey with 5 flagship places (as listed by David Goleman ) to visit. Strew with events and eventualities, you may find yourself trudging slowing, one word or thought at a time, but a journey that rewards with  better mental health, wellbeing and career success.

A couple of years ago during a program I was facilitating, we came up with an interesting question. If we were asked to describe an emotionally intelligent leader, we would all be able to do it. If we were asked to identify an emotionally intelligent leaders & a not so-emotionally intelligent leader we have worked with, we would all be able to do it with ease. The question we all asked was, if you know what behaviors to display, then why is it that organizations are replete with examples of apathetic behavior?????

So what makes a good leader a great one? It seems today, conventional wisdom favors the fluid ability of Emotional Intelligence as compared to the fixed capacity of brainpower or IQ as an important precursor to CEO success.

This article analyzes which top 10 Fortune 500 company CEO fits the bill of being the ‘emotional thermostat’ of their companies. What definitely sets these CEO’s apart is a level of disciplined self-awareness that helps them develop as leaders faster than the average CEO, as well as knowing how to attract a complimentary team around them.

The VUCA environment throws up some interesting challenges for us as Learning and Development professionals at Shradha HRD. We recently conducted a series of workshops for a large telecom service provider in India. They had a team of professionals that was technically competent but lacked a customer service orientation and the necessary skills to effectively interact with their clients.

At Shradha HRD, we have conducted several interventions for participants from different industries and levels. What was a little unusual about this intervention was that due to the constant change and churn in the Telecom industry these “techies” were increasingly moving into a Client facing role. Their new deliverables included being able to present their ideas effectively, network and influence clients when they were over for reviews and handle difficult client situations.

We ran a detailed diagnostic for this project, designed a learning journey that included classroom training and hand-holding post completion of training. The results were immensely satisfying !!!!

“I overvalued intelligence”-Bill Gates. I read this article a couple of years ago (relevant sections are appended below). It appeared in the Times of India and its stayed with me since then.

3 points stood out in my mind from this article:

1. The importance of emotional intelligence for people in Leadership

2. People management skills are not correlated with Scientific IQ and may even be negatively correlated

3. It is rare to find someone who combine Scientific skills with IQ

We often quote this as an example in our People management programs at Shradha HRD. We often ask participants to reflect on anyone they have met at the workplace, past or current that possesses both these skills.

To my mind, if you have both these skills you mind well be on the Satya Nadella path !!!!!!

We had Satya Nadella (Microsoft’s present CEO) as Guest Editor barely a fortnight ago. We’d love to hear what you think of him.

I’m really happy that he’s running Microsoft, so that I don’t have to. I still love Microsoft, I still worry about it and I spend 15% of my time on it and Satya’s very good at using that time. He’s always telling me “Go meet this group. Are they doing a good job, let me know.”

I’ve worked with Satya for a long time. He was always very thoughtful, very good at working with people, He has this very calm way of dealing even with very hard problems. Happily the board endorsed him, because I was so enthusiastic that he should be the CEO. Why is he such a good CEO? It’s hard to say. His book talks about his (quadriplegic) son – which may explain a lot. He’s a very Zen person (laughs). In that respect, he’s probably better than I was. I was too emotional –if something’s not going well – “This is terrible”. But it’s fun to work with him.

Sometime ago, you gave a speech about how you once used to “overvalue intelligence”. Can you elaborate?

There’s a certain type of IQ where I can give you a 500-page book on meteorology and you read it and you understand how tornadoes work. I always admired people who were good at that, and I thought if you were good at that, then everything else is easy. Managing people? Just use common sense. Understanding profit and loss? That’s just a little mathematical equation. “You’re a smart person. You know physics. Go manage this group. It can’t be worse than the Navier-Stokes equation (a complicated fluid dynamics equation),” I used to think. I was wrong about that.
The idea that some of these skills were not correlated with scientific IQ, in fact, that some of them were negatively correlated, it took me a while to figure that out. Those who combine scientific IQ with people skills—like Satya –are rare. You have to learn to build a team with different capabilities and as Microsoft got bigger, it became more important. I’m a little broader in my understanding of different talents now.

Whether Justin Trudeau’s display of emotional intelligence in this particular incident is genuine can be debated, what is undeniable is that emotional intelligence is a critical competency for leaders. The concept of Emotional intelligence has gained traction in Corporate India in the last 5- 6 years. At Shradha HRD, we have seen this emerge as a top ask with our clients. We have run several learning interventions around this theme, especially for first time managers. Our experience tells us, while class room training is great as an introduction and a sensitisation to this behaviour, it will only become a part of an organisation’s DNA if this behaviour is rewarded along with the hard competencies in the Performance Management System.

https://calgaryherald.com/opinion/columnists/opinion-emotional-intelligence-trudeaus-best-skill-pays-dividends

There is a little bagful of words that we carry around all the time, the one we often refer to as our Vocabulary. We replenish our wardrobes often, throwing out old shirts and dresses that no longer fit and add fresher ones that define us better with each growing year. But that little bag of words remains unchanged.  Years go by and we often hear ourselves saying the same words… “Oh that makes me so mad” “I feel bad” “I am so angry”… especially with our feelings, we tend to use very few and generic words to express how we feel.

Recently on a short trip with a friend, I overheard her conversation with her 7 year old, who was immensely upset at the prospect of going to school alone the next day, because his older brother was sick and needed to take the next day off. He begged and cried to urge his mom to let him stay at home as well, for which his mom replied that when he is sick  his brother doesn’t stay home and goes to school alone. This little 7 year old responded “ but  Ma, I am a different person from him, I have my own feelings and I am scared to go alone in the bus”

Now for a 7 year old that was pretty impressive. He was not only able to communicate that he was his own person with his own set of feelings but was clearly able to pinpoint exactly what feeling (Fear of the bus) stopped him from going alone to school.

While all of us experience a wide array of emotions, only a select few can accurately identify them and use the right words to express them. This capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them is what is known as emotional Intelligence. Research shows that only 36 % of people have the words to do this.  Without the insights into exactly what we are feeling and without the right words to express them, we are binging on many problems. Unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

While many might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “disappointed” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it and what you should do about it.

So our kitty of words needs to grow, with feeling words..and you will be surprised how many there that we can start to use. The right words go a long way and as Rumi famously said “Raise your words, not voice, it is rain that grows flowers not thunder”

“One can’t please everyone” – they say… and ruthless as it may sound, “the job has to get done”… It’s great to be a task-master, but eventually, it is one who has a way with words and dealing with people tactfully, who emerges the winner.

Consider this scenario:

• Open office setting with multiple seating in one large hall

• Last working day of a team member

• Rest of the team preparing to huddle for a send-off party of sorts for a colleague, who has completed all exit formalities

• One of the senior team members has been instrumental in hiring the replacement for this exiting employee, makes this statement loudly:

Pin-drop silence ensues in the hall

It was a well-meaning comment, intended to make the exiting employee feel missed, and also to excitedly introduce the new joiner to the rest of the team. While the objective of the comment was far from making the former team-member feel miserable while bidding farewell to the organization, the effect was that the said person swore never to set foot in the office premises ever again. Not to mention how bitter a moment it was for everyone who witnessed the scene, shuddering to think to themselves, “How would I have reacted if this statement was made to me, that too by one of the more responsible members of the leadership team in this organization?” Luckily, better sense prevailed and the matter did not get blown out of proportion thanks to a few tactful ones as part of the team, who decided to change the topic quickly, and successfully managed to shift the conversation towards friendly banter as everyone shuffled into the farewell party zone.

Blame it on a case of sheer lack of basic soft skills training for employees early in their careers, but the harm is already done! If it can happen to an internal customer, it is only a matter of time before an external customer gets to face the wrath of words that are not carefully chosen and weighed before being uttered. The ramifications may not be as simple then. Instances of poor customer experiences spelling doom for reputed brands abound and this is reason enough to invest in soft skills training for employees.

Making oneself heard loud and clear, without offending anyone, is the crux of soft skills training. More so in professional life, corporate soft skills training can be an absolute boon; especially when there is a growing focus on people skills at the very core of professional success.

While there is increased focus on the need for soft skills training for employees abroad, it is pertinent to consider the unique Indian market scenario before blindly pursuing a fancy course. It is always a great idea to invest in renowned soft skills training companies in India to ensure you get insights that suit Indian realities better.

And despair not – options to choose from are aplenty!

The Holy trinity of Intention action andcommunication is one that can distinguish a good leader from a bad one. When leaders are able to effectively action their intentions and communicate the same they are able to achieve desired results and outcomes.

Individuals within an organization will look to a leader as a model to develop their own behaviours and decisions. As we said in our last case study on the topic, while people tend to judge themselves based on intentions, they judge others based on actions. As a leader, it is imperative that your behaviours reflect your values and your vision.

Lets say you need to get a buy in from your team on a new initiative, it becomes crucial that you demonstrate its importance through your words and deeds. The leader’s behaviour, actions and words must all  work in tangent to arouse within the team the feelings of trust, motivation and acceptance in order for them to lend their support and devote their time to the goal. Dissonance of any sort between action,  intention and words will lead to feelings of mistrust and delay  or jeopardise the intended buy-in.

Lets see some examples of when our actions don’t align with our words/intentions

When a manager gives a pep talk to his whole team on how important it is for them to put in the hours to meet deadlines but leaves early each day  and especially so on Fridays

When managers  encourage teams to come up with creative solutions but when the solution does not work is unsupportive and criticizes time them for wasting time and  money and belittles them.

When we tell our children that there are consequences for their actions so that they will learn how to behave, but when it comes down to it and the work involved in keeping up the punishment/consequence is too much and we let is go and let them have their way.

In all these cases we see the intention was perhaps right (tomotivate, to encourage and the teach good behaviour) yet when actions don’t match up, the purpose it lost.

In the first case the manager is viewed as a fraud and loses credibility with his team for not walking the talk. In the second he is viewed as a hypocrite (someone who says something but believes another) and in the third case the parent is viewed as someone who can be easily manipulated and taken advantage of.

In my pursuit of understanding the intention – action gap further, I stumbled upon the Haven communication model. This model was developed as a tool to help people understand the various  facets of communication.

Keeping in mind the bigger picture or context of the interaction we can see in this model the interconnectedness between Intention, action perception, interpretation and  feeling .

One of the circles in the diagram above contains the word perceptions.  This word attributes to the inputs we receive from our 5 senses  – sight, sound, smell, touch, taste –In themselves, these have inputs don’t mean much but our brain processes these both consciously and subconsciously to arrive at meaning and conclusions.. It is through this  interpretation that we make sense of all the inputs received by our senses.  Based on our interpretations we experience feelings. Feeling that could be positive or negative Positive feelings reinforce intentions and actions whereas negative feelings make us want to retract and rethink. They invoke mistrust and contempt.

This model can be applied to ourselves to double check if our actions are in sync with our intentions understand the inputs someone may receive from these actions and consider the interpretations and feelings it may evoke in them.

It may also be applied to someone else’s actions and behaviours,   to assess their true intentions or to have a better grasp over a given interaction, situation or a person. Like the  old adage goes, it is one viscous circle of thoughts words and actions,

Watch your thoughts, they become your words;watch your words, they become your actions;watch your actions, they become your habits;watch your habits, they become your character;watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

                                                                             Lao Tzu

Elon Musk wants to send mankind to Mars. The entrepreneur has different visions of the future. Still, the fact he is possessed by enough self-belief to pull off world-changing feats has earned them a spot in a category of self-centered CEOs, who were first noticed by an anthropologist back at the height of the dot-com bubble. The academic calls them productive narcissists, and he thinks there may be more of them today.

Chief executives are hardly known for being reserved or self-doubting. However, there is something “new and daring” about some of the modern CEOs, said Michael Maccoby, an anthropologist and psychoanalyst who first wrote about this new type of leadership in an article for the Harvard Business Review more than a decade ago.

Called “Narcissistic Leaders: The Incredible Pros, the Inevitable Cons,” the article noted that corporate chiefs like Apple’s deceased CEO Steve Jobs, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos and Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates were “transforming” industries with their ability to be “gifted and creative strategists who see the big picture and find meaning in the risky challenge of changing the world and leaving behind a legacy.”

The definition of Narcissism has changed overtime. From admiration of one’s physical traits to now, Narcissism has been associated with excessive vanity, self-involvement, and lack of empathy.

In a study conducted by Lisa M. Penney and Paul E. Spector University of South Florida in 2002. Narcissism related to trait anger, job constraints, and CWB (Counterproductive work behaviours) and that the relationship between narcissism and CWB would be mediated by anger. In addition, narcissism was found to moderate the relationship between job constraints and CWB, such that individuals high in narcissism reported more CWB when constraints were high, than individuals low in narcissism. CWB are behaviours by employees intended to harm their organization or organization members, such as theft, sabotage, interpersonal aggression, work slowdowns, wasting time and/or materials, and spreading rumours.

Narcissistic leadership is a leadership style in which the leader is only interested in him/herself. Their priority is themselves – at the expense of their people/group members. This leader exhibits the characteristics of a narcissist: arrogance, dominance and hostility. We are often obsessed with narcissistic leaders, or at we have ambivalence between the ones we like and the ones they promote.

Some observers  have openly called Trump a narcissist in terms of a classical definition. Stephanie Marsh used the Narcissistic  Personality Disorder description contained in the psychologists/psychiatrists Bible, the DSM-V as an assessment for Trump, concluding there was a match with various narcissistic traits. Dana Millbank, writing in the  Washington post, retrieved a number of Trump’s quotes from his campaign speech that could be illustrative of the criteria that Marsh cited: “I’m really proud of my success,” “I’ve done an amazing job.” Millbank also completed a content analysis of Trump’s campaign speech in which he was self-referenced 257 times.

The public in general and even management experts are hypocritical about what makes a good leader. On the one hand we exalt and praise leaders who are basically nasty and abusive because they are financially successful and on the other hand, research shows that humble leaders whose focus is to serve others are equally successful, but more importantly, capture the hearts and loyalty of others. Which do we value more?

So it seems that abusive, narcissistic bosses are alive and doing well in the business world (and politics), and even exalted by the media. This is in sharp contrast to the research showing that humble bosses actually perform better and are better for the organization.

Humble leaders are more effective and better liked, according to a study published in the Academy of Management Journal.   “Leaders of all ranks view admitting mistakes, spotlighting follower strengths and modeling teachability as being at the core of humble leadership,” says Bradley Owens, assistant professor of organization and human resources at the University at Buffalo School of Management. “And they view these three behaviors as being powerful predictors of their own as well as the organization’s growth.”

Rob Nielsen, author of Leading with Humility, argues that some narcissistic business leaders are treated like rock stars but leaders who are humble and admit mistakes outshine them all. There’s a difference between being a humble leader and being wishy-washy or overly solicitous of others’ opinions, says Arron Grow, associate program director of the School of Applied Leadership at the City University of Seattle and author of How to Not Suck as a Manager. He says being humble doesn’t mean being a chump and describes 6 ways in which leaders can be more effective by being more humble.  Elizabeth Salib takes up on this theme in her article in Harvard  Business Review,  contending the best leaders are humble leaders. She cites Google’s SVP of People Operations, Lazlo Bock, who says humility is one of the traits he’s looking for in new hires.

Fred Kiel, head of the executive development firm KRW international, recently studied 84 CEOs and more than 8,000 of their employees over the course of seven years. The results, written up in the Kiel’s recent book Return on character, found that people worked harder and happier when they felt valued and respected. So-called “character-driven” CEOs who possess four virtues—integrity, compassion, forgiveness, and accountability—lead companies whose returns on assets are five times larger than those of executives who are more self-centered, he found.

Harvard Business School’s Amy Cuddy and her research partners have also shown that leaders who project warmth–even before establishing their competence–are more effective than those who lead with their toughness and skill. Why? One reason is trust. Employees feel greater trust with someone who is kind.

Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and the George Mason University School of Business examined what they call a “culture of compassionate love,” which involves feelings of affection, compassion, caring, and tenderness among co-workers at long-term care facilities. Though less intense than romantic love, the strong emotions involved still help create bonds between people. 16 months later the researchers checked in with each group. It turned out that a strong culture of compassionate love predicted benefits all around: less burnout, fewer unplanned absences, more teamwork, and higher work satisfaction for employees; fewer emergency room trips and higher mood, satisfaction, and quality of life for patients; and more satisfaction with the facility and willingness to recommend it for families. Research suggests that compassionate workplaces increase employee satisfaction and loyalty. A worker who feels cared for at work is more likely to experience positive emotion, which in turn helps to foster positive work relationships, increased cooperation, and better customer relations. Compassion training in individuals can reduce stress, and may even impact longevity. All of these point to a need for increasing compassion’s role in business and organizational life.

You can easily spot someone with lots of Social Intelligence at a party or social gathering because he or she knows how to “work the room.” The highly socially intelligent person can carry on conversations with a wide variety of people, and is tactful and appropriate in what is said. Combined, these represent what are called “social expressiveness skills.”

Oprah Winfrey has an ability called “Oprah effect”. It is her ability to make a connection with ordinary women and through that connection, she made herself one of the most popular women. In spite of her wealth, she had a public’s taste. She knew what ordinary women wanted, what their troubles were and what they were crazy about. People want to be around someone like themselves. They want a non-threatening person they can identify with. And Oprah has a lot of same problems that many of these women had and could relate to. Viewers had no trouble envisioning her sitting home at the kitchen table in sweats and no makeup, drinking coffee. This feeling of closeness was Oprah’s strongest point that made her a billionaire.

With a clear vision in mind, the leaders know what they want and how they want it. Take Disneyland for example-

The Disneyland theme parks and resorts all over the world all live from the holistic “magical” experience and atmosphere they keep up. A huge part of this magic stems from the perfection of the park’s decoration.This love of detail goes back to the founder of the Disney Company. Walt Disney was inspired to work on the project of building a steady and well managed children’s amusement park, in contrast to the at that time common wandering state fairs, by his wish to offer his own children and the children of his employees a place to enjoy their free time together having an experience totally out of the ordinary.Disney and a small team of employees spent five years working out the plans for Disneyland with much love for detail and special treats, in Disney’s own words: “… I just want it to look like nothing else in the world. And it should be surrounded by a train.”

The founder’s spirit is still part of the company’s culture and a secret for its on-going success:

Creativity is best described as thinking out-of-the-box. A creative leader develops a product that is unique and is a viable solution.

The Strida is an innovative design of folding bicycle intended for short distance use and to link with other modes of transport. Mark Sanders designed the Strida while he was a postgraduate student on the joint Royal College of Art/Imperial College Industrial Design Engineering course. The idea arose from personal need, when he was travelling from Windsor to London.

A creative leader, like Sanders:

• Immerses himself in the problem at each stage, in order to see if ideas from other areas or from nature (biological analogies) might offer a solution.

• Gathers information from any likely source.

• Brainstorms to clarify any vague ideas in the head.

• Drafts its USP, Strida for example, is lightweight and low cost. Sanders also worked on its ease of handling.

Mark Sanders thus gave his community an innovative product that solves their problem while making an organization that has a definite objective.