Do you think it is important to grieve? I felt grieving kept us chained to the past& could even be self-indulgent at times. A recent conversation gave me a different perspective. A friend lost someone very dear, completely unexpectedly. She was grappling with the emotions of loss, pain, anger & sadness.

Those around her were encouraging her to get back on her feet, telling her she needed to focus on others around her &she must spring back to her normal self.

And she said, “I know my duties, my responsibilities,but the others don’t know what I have lost. I cannot go back to life as though nothing has happened. I need to come to terms with this.”

I view myself as a pragmatic person. My mantra for dealing with pain is to forget the past & focus on the task at hand.

Somewhere during the conversation, a realization dawned; while trying to comfort those closest to us, we tell them to forget what’s happened, focus on the present&move on. The advice is well intentioned but may not be the best way to deal with this situation.

Grieving is part of the healing process. The mind needs to process what’s happened, work through it & then it will automatically move on.

Listening to someone, helping them talk through their feelings, just being there, might be a more effective way to help heal.