In the story below we see how important it is not lose equanimity even when faced with sudden disappointments or upsets. A true professional should attempt to convey his/her message in a neutral manner without ever being personally accusatory.

Kim and Gretchen are both freelance graphic designers. A small publishing company had decided to bring out a new line of cookbooks, which would be very design intensive. Kim and Gretchen were both hired to work on the new line. Although they don’t know each other, they negotiated deals for themselves that come out to just about the same amount of money. Both of them were really excited about the new project. They were also gratified to get personal calls from Paul, the editorial director of the publishing company, who told them how great it made him feel to give them this break.

That was on a Friday. On the following Monday, the phone rang again in Kim’s studio, and in Gretchen’s also. This time it wasn’t Paul. It was his assistant, who told the two designers that over the weekend Paul had thought about the new project and had decided to cancel it. He was sorry, but that was his decision, and thanks for your time.

Kim was instantly furious. First she gave Paul’s assistant an earful, and then she quickly wrote an email to Paul himself. She told him that it had been extremely unprofessional to commit to something and then to suddenly back out of it. She mentioned that she had put other work on hold in order to keep herself available for this project, and now she had probably lost that business as well. Finally, she pointed out how gutless it was of Paul to make his assistant deliver the bad news. From a purely factual point of view, Kim was correct in just about everything she said.

Gretchen was also angry when she got the call from Paul’s assistant, but she knew that moments like this are the test of a professional’s people skills. She spoke briefly but politely with the assistant, and then, like Kim, she wrote an email to Paul. She disciplined herself to express her appreciation for the opportunity, as well as her disappointment that it was not going to take place. And she closed with the hope that even though this didn’t come through, perhaps there, would be another project down the road.

What was the outcome of the episode? First, within a year Paul was gone from the publishing company. His former assistant took over his job, and one of his first acts was to sign Gretchen on for some major new work. He thought of calling Kim as well, but she had seemed so angry that he was sure she wouldn’t want to work with him.

In a walkway situation, it is critical to address future possibilities, not current problems, and definitely not personalities. Resist the temptation to attack anyone personally. If the dialogue starts talking place on that level, people will just defend their self-esteem. Try to maintain a rational frame of mind oriented toward your long-term goals. If necessary, let the other blow off steam without your talking it personally. Make it clear that you know the conflict is about the issues, and it’s not personal. This will help to prevent the other side from feeling angry and defensive both now and when future opportunities come up.

How important is it to effectively get across a point of view, most politely and without any offence? The story below demonstrates how assertive communication can go a long way in resolving difficult situations.

Molly is thinking of quitting her job because of the demands of her boss that crossed her work-life balance boundary. Her boss would typically call, text, and email her questions and change orders at night and on weekends. When Molly tried to address this the last time, the conversation went something like this: Molly: “I really don’t like that I have to respond at night when I always complete everything on time at work and will take care of it first thing in the morning.” Boss: “There are times when I really need you. There are emergencies.”

Here’s where the conversation on Molly’s part ended. The boss wins a point in the match!Molly is tired of making her boss understand how his erratic requests are taking away the peace from her life.

A few days ago, Molly attended a training program on Assertive Communication. As an action plan, she decided to practice assertive communication with her boss. So when she received yet another erratic text from her boss quoting there was an emergency, here’s how she replied – “That’s understandable and I will definitely be there in a big emergency. It will help if we can take a few minutes to define what constitutes an emergency so that we both have the support and work parameters we need. What would be three examples of emergencies in which I need to respond to at night?”

She really caught her boss off guard as he had never thought of what constituted to emergency. He merely used it as a convenient excuse to cover his inefficiencies.

By asking a question objectively Molly made sure that he boss doesn’t take her for granted. The idea was to collaborate and negotiate as necessary so that the boss feels taken care of and Molly’s boundaries are maintained. Assertive communication is not aggressive and can be strategically applied to every relationship and professional context.

To be able to move out of your comfort zone and behave differently requires an ability to think assertively and be positive regardless of the outcome.

Jigar Parikh was working as an attorney at a New York law firm, and hated his job so he hired a personal coach to help him find a new profession. He soon, however, realized that the problem wasn’t his field; it was his firm. His coach encouraged him to build his network and secure enough clients to quit his job and start his own law practice. But Jigar was shy and uncomfortable reaching out to people he didn’t know. “I was someone who really held back,” he says.

So Jigar started small. He made a commitment to talk about his budding law practice with one or two people each day. This proved to be harder than he thought. “I didn’t want my current employer to find out, so I had to be especially careful,” he says. And he struggled at the networking events he attended three or four times a week. But he didn’t want to fall down on his pledge so he soon found himself talking to strangers on the subway or in a restaurant. “I once talked to a doctor who was an entrepreneur himself and he gave me some great advice,” he says. “I had some amazing conversations.”

This all gave him the confidence he needed to leave the firm. “When you’re not assertive, you settle for things and I had a high tolerance for being in places where I was unhappy,” he says. Now he feels like a very different person. “Anyone who knows me now is shocked to find out that I was shy. But it’s not always easy. I still have to remind myself to get out there,” he says.

Many times both professionally and personally we accept situations despite our misgivings. The story below highlights the stance taken by a filmmaker to consciously be assertive in all aspects of her life and how this so positively impacted her confidence levels.

Katie Torpey is a filmmaker and screenwriter. Assertive executives and insistent dealmakers dominate the industry she works in. Katie was successful, making several movies and television episodes, but she often held back in meetings, rarely saying what was on her mind. Instead she said what she thought others wanted to hear. “I was a people pleaser. I didn’t want to piss anyone off or hurt anyone’s feelings,” she says.

When Katie pitched work to producers they often low balled her. “I was getting work, but I was not getting what I was worth.” She blames no one but herself. “I would take what they offered because I was afraid to demand my asking price,” she says. She was worried the project would fall through or they’d find another director. It became clear to Katie that this was hindering her career.

To change, she made a promise to herself: if she left a situation without saying what she really wanted, she would have to remedy it within 24 hours. For example, when she walked away from a meeting without telling her boss that a product wasn’t actually ready, she forced herself to contact him within 24 hours to fess up. This practice paid off. After cleaning up several of her messes, she realized it was much easier to be assertive from the outset. “Living a life where you speak what you think and feel is so much more freeing than holding everything in,” she says.

This has changed her career for the better. “People respect me. I still have the same abilities but I now have more confidence. People know that I won’t take a job unless my heart’s in it and I’m paid well,” she says. And if producers ask her to take a lower price, she stands up for herself, saying, “I will do an excellent job for you, but you have to pay me my asking price.”

The story below demonstrates how the correct balance of being alert, proactive, friendly and calm can make anyone the most valued resource for an organization.

A Morris the dog was walking past a property one day and he was suddenly confronted by a large black dog who barked ferociously through the fence at him. “What are you doing?’ asked Morris. “I’m guarding this property.” responded the black dog. “What are you barking at me for? asked Morris.

“Because you’re a threat. Everyone has the potential to break in and steal from me, so I’m not taking any risks and am barking at everyone.” Morris shrugged his shoulders and walked away, thinking about how much energy the black dog was unnecessarily wasting.

The next day, he walked past the same property, but instead of being confronted by the vicious guard dog, he was met by a furry ball of fluff. “What happened to the large black dog?” he asked. “He annoyed his owners by barking all of the time, so they gave him away and replaced him with me.” replied the ball of fluff.

“You don’t look very scary.” observed Morris. “I’m not. You never have to worry about me being too angry.”

“What would you do if someone tried to steal from you?” asked Morris. “Why would anyone try to steal from me? I’m such a nice cute doggy that no-one would ever take advantage of me.” Morris shrugged his shoulders and walked away, hoping that the little ball of fluff would be OK.

The next day he walked past the same property and was met by a large golden retriever. “What happened to the little ball of fluff?” Morris asked. “Some intruders came last night and all he did was roll over to have his belly scratched while the place was ransacked.” replied the retriever.

“So, what’s your strategy for guarding this place?” asked Morris. “I’ve learned that not everyone’s a threat, so there’s no point in barking at everyone and keeping them at a distance, but I’ve also learned that being nice and polite won’t always cut it either as not everyone has my best interest at heart. Others will always know that I’m here, but I feel comfortable enough with myself that I don’t need to rant and rave to be heard or look after everyone else’s needs to be liked. I’ll just be calm and clear when communicating, decreasing the risk of being taken the wrong way.”

“I think I’ll be seeing a lot more of you,” said Morris, suitably impressed as he went on his way.

Let me encourage you to learn from this story that you don’t need to be an angry, rabid dog or a delightful ball of fluff to be successful in what you’re doing. Instead, learn to express yourself with clarity, honesty and calmness.

Teamwork is not only about working in cohesion but also being able to think smart and help each other to achieve a win-win for all.

The members of a gathering were given a task to perform. That was to eat laddus given to them. The only condition was that their right hand will be stretched and they have to find some means to eat the sweet without bending their arms.

When the time started to tick, most of them started throwing the laddus in the air and geared up moving towards it with their mouths wide open to catch the prize straight into their mouth. Behold!! As Expected, most of them failed and the laddus fell on the ground.

Just then two individuals who were seeing the complete drama unfolding before them had a spark. Both of them stood face to face before the other; their stretched hands were facing each other’s face; so the laddu of one man was eaten by the other without any difficulty and the other ate from his opponent’s hand.

Don’t you think this was a classic example of “Together we win”?

Does each member on your team understand their role and contribution? Do they understand that doing their part the best they can is critical to the team? The following story on teamwork highlights the importance of everyone’s role to the success of the team.

One sunny morning something caught the mouse’s eye through a crack in the wall. It was a package the farmer’s wife was opening. The mouse wondered what kind of delicious food it might contain. To his surprise it wasn’t food, but a mouse trap!

As the mouse scurried out to the yard he shouted a loud warning to all. “Watch out for the mousetrap in the house! Watch out for the mousetrap in the house!” The chicken raised his head and said, “I can tell my friend that this causes you great worry, but it is of no worry to me. Please don’t bother me with it!”

The mouse then turned to the pig who said, “Sorry Mr. Mouse, it has no consequence to me either.” The mouse then turned to the bull who said, “Sounds like you have a problem friend, but it really doesn’t concern me… sorry, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.” The mouse went back to the house to face the mousetrap alone. He felt down and dejected.

That night the sound of the trap was heard throughout the house – Snap! The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught, but couldn’t see in the darkness that it was a venomous snake. She was bitten! After rushing his wife to the hospital, the farmer returned home with her. She had quite a fever. The farmer knew the best way to treat her fever was with chicken soup so he took his hatchet to the farmyard to get his main ingredient.

The wife grew sicker by the day and friends kept visiting her throughout the days and around the clock. The farmer felt he had to feed them so he slaughtered the pig. The farmer’s wife unfortunately didn’t get better and eventually died. There were many, many people who came to pay their final respects. The farmer had the cow butchered so he could feed them all.

Each member of the team plays an important role in the team’s success. You may think that because someone on the team is struggling that it doesn’t concern you, but it does. When everyone pulls together the team wins.

The following teamwork story illustrates the need for every member of the team regardless of their differing talents and gifts. It is a powerful reminder of why leaders and team members must embrace diversity.

Have you ever heard of the Aesop Fable, “The Belly and the Members?” As you read the following story I encourage you to think about your own teams and how this might apply. One day it occurred to The Members (parts) of the Body that they were doing all of the work while the Belly got all of the food. They believed the Belly was lazy and unproductive.

It was decided that they would hold a meeting that evening to discuss how unfair this seemed. After what was a very long meeting that night it was voted on that The Members of the Body would go on strike until the Belly agreed to take its proper share of the work.

The unhappy body parts didn’t do anything for several days in an attempt to stop feeding the Belly. The Legs stopped walking, the Hands stopped moving and the Teeth stopped chewing. As a result of this inactivity and the starving of the Belly, the Legs became more and more tired, the Hands could hardly move anymore and the Mouth became parched and very dry.

Eventually the entire Body collapsed and passed away as the Belly completely starved.

What is the moral of the story? Team dynamics are complex. Here are four important team tips to remember:

• Some members of the teams contributions may seem less significant or of less value than others. Especially as it compares to those louder and possibly more prominent members of the team.

• It is important that every member of the team understands their unique roles and what they bring to the team. It is also important that they clearly understand everyone else’s roles and contributions.

• Another moral of this story is the need for teams to refrain from evil speaking of each other, gossip, jumping to conclusions and a whole host of other potential team illnesses. Doing so weakens teams and organizations.

• While team member accountability is critical, it should never become personal or be based on ill-fated assumptions. Accountability must be based on trust, which is not something that magically happens, it must be built consciously and over time.

• Because everyone in the organization or on the team plays an important role to the success of the agreed upon goals, the vision and goals of the leader must be cascaded up and down the organization so everyone is in alignment.

Teamwork in the workplace can be difficult. Teams at work often consist of a variety of conflicting personalities and styles. Getting to a point in which a team can collaborate and work in harmony can be a difficult task for a leader and takes time.

Steve Jobs tells the story of a widowed man he had gotten to know in his eighties who lived up the street from him when he was a young boy. “When I was a young kid there was a widowed man who lived up the street. He was in his eighties. He’s a little scary looking. And I got to know him a little bit. I think he may have paid me to mow his lawn.

One day he said to me, “come on into my garage I want to show you something.” And he pulled out this dusty old rock tumbler. It was a motor and a coffee can and a little band between them. And he said, “come on with me.” We went out into the back and we got some rocks. Some regular old ugly rocks. And we put them in the can with a little bit of liquid and little bit of grit powder, and we closed the can up and he turned this motor on and he said, “come back tomorrow.”

And this can was making a racket as the stones went around.I came back the next day and we opened the can. And we took out these amazingly beautiful polished rocks. The same common stones that had gone in through rubbing against each other like this (clapping his hands), creating a little bit of friction, creating a little bit of noise, had come out these beautiful polished rocks.

That’s always been in my mind my metaphor for a team working really hard on something they’re passionate about. It’s that through the team, through that group of incredibly talented people bumping up against each other, having arguments, having fights sometimes, making some noise, and working together they polish each other and they polish the ideas, and what comes out are these beautiful stones.”

Teams, he states, are like these stones. Individually we can be fairly normal, ordinary and even a bit rough. But through the process of teamwork we can end up in a very different state. Jobs states that teams consisting of incredibly talented people who are passionate and are working hard towards something often times bump up against each other, argue, sometimes fight and make some noise. By working together they polish one another and their ideas and in the process create beautiful stones.

Have you built up enough trust on your teams to allow bumping up against one another and passionately arguing on occasion? Passive, “follow the leader” types of teams are destined to fail. Each member of a team brings something unique. They are unique in their gifts, ideas and arguments. Team members must feel like they can express themselves without embarrassment or retribution. Leaders who embrace the process of “tumbling stones” on their teams create more efficiency, better ideas, better problem solving and ultimately better teamwork.

One of the marks of a great leader is the ability to get his or her team to pull together and to feel they are a part of something really special (vision). And one of the greatest blessings to a leader is to have that team pull together and support each other. A good team can make a leader feel a great deal stronger.

Once there was man who was lost while driving through the country. As he tried to read a map while driving, he accidentally drove off the road into a deep muddy ditch. Though not injured, his car was stuck. So the man walked to a nearby farm.

There he saw an old farmer and asked for help. The farmer replied, “Warwick can get you out of that ditch,” pointing to an old mule standing in a field. The man looked at the old run-down mule and then looked at the farmer who just stood there repeating, “Yep, old Warwick can do the job.”

The man figured he had nothing to lose. The two men and Warwick made their way back to the ditch. The farmer hitched the mule to the car. With a snap of the reigns he shouted, “Pull, Fred! Pull, Jack! Pull, Ted! Pull, Warwick!” And the mule pulled the car from the ditch with very little effort.

The man was amazed. He thanked the farmer, patted the mule and asked, “Why did you call out all those other names before you called Warwick?” The farmer grinned and said, “Old Warwick is just about blind. As long as he believes he is part of a team, he doesn’t mind pulling.”

Aren’t you grateful for teams! We can do so much more together than we can ever do alone.

In the pursuit of individual goals and milestones, more often than not people forget that it is not them alone but a cohesive team that will eventually be critical towards reaching the larger goal. The story below demonstrates how with the aid of a simple act of information sharing, a team can achieve its targets more quickly and efficiently.

A team of about 35 employees had come together for a team building event. They were a young, bright and enthusiastic team. However, one big problem this team had was they wouldn’t share information or solutions with each other. The leader felt they were too focused on self and not enough on team.

So she started off with a fun team activity that would allow her to teach the importance of each team member working together and sharing more. She brought the team into the cafeteria. All of the tables and chairs had been stacked and put away. Placed around the room were fun decorations and hundreds of different colored balloons.

Everyone was excited, but not sure what it was all about.

In the center of the room was a big box of balloons that had not been blown up yet. The team leader asked each person to pick a balloon, blow it up and write their name on it. But they were instructed to be careful because the balloon could pop! A few balloons did indeed pop and those members of the team were given another chance, but were told that if the balloon popped again they were out of the game.

About 30 team members were able to get their name on a balloon without it popping. Those 30 were asked to leave their balloons and exit the room. They were told they had qualified for the second round. Five minutes later the leader brought the team back into the room and announced that their next challenge was to find the balloon they had left behind with their name on it among the hundreds of other balloons scattered in the large cafeteria. She warned them however to be very careful and not to pop any of the balloons. If they did, they would be disqualified.

While being very careful, but also trying to go as quickly as they could, each team member looked for the balloon with their name. After 15 minutes not one single person was able to find their balloon. The team was told that the second round of the game was over and they were moving onto the third round. In this next round the leader told the team members to find any balloon in the room with a name on it and give it to the person whose name was on it.

Within a couple of minutes every member of the team had their balloon with their own name on it. The team leader made the following point: “We are much more efficient when we are willing to share with each other. And we are better problem solvers when we are working together, not individually.”

Often members of teams create obstacles that get in the way of teamwork by solely focusing on their own pursuits and goals. They hoard information, avoid collaboration and distance themselves. It is bad for the team and it is bad for that individual. Every member of a team should ask themselves on a regular basis what they are doing for the team and can do for the team.

Is honesty another form of integrity? Small acts of honesty reaffirm faith in the integrity of mankind.

Once a lady, attended a craft fair in rural Minnesota. She kept coming back to the weaving booth, very taken with a particular blue pattern. So she decided to buy a table runner and four place mats. When she got home and unpacked her bag, she found that the weaver had included a card with care instructions. She also found that she had mistakenly put five place mats into the bag. She was glad to have it but felt bad that the weaver had not been paid for this piece of work. So she found the address of the weaver on the care instructions card and sent her a note with a cheque for the price of one place mat. When the lady received her bank statement a few days later she found that the cheque had been returned with a big ‘Thank You’ printed on the back. 🙂

Is integrity a virtue meant only for adults? The story below showcases the integrity of an ordinary student who stood up and challenged the malpractices within a system.

Ghana has made big efforts to improve access to primary education. Primary school fees were abolished in 2005, substantially boosting enrolment rates and literacy levels among young Ghanaians. The relatively steep cost of higher education, however, remains an obstacle to equal opportunities. A case brought to Transparency International (TI) Ghana showed that some students at a polytechnic were being put at even greater disadvantage.

It was alleged by one of the students named Kofi that students had been asked by lecturers to pay a supplementary charge for class hand-outs. As a “reward” they were reportedly promised an additional 20 per cent in their end of year grade. Many poorer students could simply not afford the cost, and they were faced with competing on an unequal basis with their better-off counterparts.

TI Ghana petitioned the authorities to address the issue. The school board conducted an internal investigation, and the accused staff members confessed. The school then resolved to make all school materials available for free or at affordable prices. TI Ghana hopes that Kofi’s case would promote similar changes throughout Ghana, where extorting students is believed to be widespread.

How difficult is it to overcome the temptation to win, especially when you are at an advantageous position? The story below highlights how a sportsman decided that his integrity was more important than winning any match.

A while back, there was a story about Reuben Gonzolas, who was in the final match of his first professional racquetball tournament. He was playing the perennial champion for his first shot at a victory on the pro circuit. At match point in the fifth and final game, Gonzolas made a super “kill shot” into the front corner to win the tournament. The referee called it good, and one of the linemen confirmed the shot was a winner.

But after a moment’s hesitation, Gonzolas turned and declared that his shot had skipped into the wall, hitting the floor first. As a result, the serve went to his opponent, who went on to win the match. Reuben Gonzolas walked off the court; everyone was stunned. The next issue of a leading racquetball magazine featured Gonzolas on its cover. The lead editorial searched and questioned for an explanation for the first ever occurrence on the professional racquetball circuit.

Who could ever imagine it in any sport or endeavor? Here was a player with everything officially in his favor, with victory in his grasp, who disqualifies himself at match point and loses. When asked why he did it, Gonzolas replied, “It was the only thing I could do to maintain my integrity.

Is integrity showcased only through actions? The story below demonstrates how important it is to speak words that convey the same sentiment.

Abe Lincoln made the great speech of his famous senatorial campaign at Springfield, Illinois. The convention before which he spoke consisted of a thousand delegates together with the crowd that had gathered with them.

His speech was carefully prepared. Every sentence was guarded and emphatic. It has since become famous as “The Divided House” speech.

Before entering the hall where it was to be delivered, he stepped into the office of his law- partner, Mr. Herndon, and, locking the door, so that their interview might be private, took his manuscript from his pocket, and read one of the opening sentences: “I believe this government cannot endure permanently, half slave and half free.”

Mr. Herndon remarked that the sentiment was true, but suggested that it might not be good policy to utter it at that time.

Mr. Lincoln replied with great firmness: “No matter about the policy. It is true, and the nation is entitled to it. The proposition has been true for six thousand years, and I will deliver it as it is written.”

Being honest and upfront even in difficult situations might seem unachievable. However, the long term benefits of maintaining one’s integrity in the face of adversity will always outweigh the cons.

Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his aides or one of his own children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young people in the kingdom and said, “It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.” The emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!”

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.” When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

What is the path you chose when faced with a question of ethics? Do you walk the path that leads to integrity of thought and action?

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Oklahoma City. My friend and proud father Bobby Lewis was taking his two little boys to play miniature golf. He walked up to the fellow at the ticket counter and said, “How much is it to get in?”

The young man replied, “$3.00 for you and $3.00 for any kid who is older than six. We let them in free if they are six or younger. How old are they?”Bobby replied, “The lawyer’s three and the doctor is seven, so I guess I owe you $6.00.”

The man at the ticket counter said, “Hey, Mister, did you just win the lottery or something? You could have saved yourself three bucks. You could have told me that the older one was six; I wouldn’t have known the difference.” Bobby replied, “Yes, that may be true, but the kids would have known the difference.”

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” In challenging times when ethics are more important than ever before, make sure you set a good example for everyone you work and live with.

Is integrity towards use of official resources always pursued? What about when no one is watching, are we equally conscientious then?

Once, a Chinese traveller came to meet Kautilya (Chanakya). It was dusk and darkness had just started to set in. When the traveller entered Chanakya’s room, he saw that Chanakya was busy writing some important papers under the lighting of an oil lamp. Chanakya smilingly welcomed his guest and asked him to sit. He then quickly completed the work that he was doing.

On completing his writing work, he extinguished the oil lamp under which he was writing and lit another lamp. The Chinese traveller was surprised to see this. And asked Chanakya, “Is this a custom in India, when a guest arrives at your house? I mean, extinguishing one lamp and lighting the other?” Chanakya replied, “No my dear friend. There is no such custom. Actually, when you entered, I was working. It was an official work, pertaining to my empire, my nation.

The oil filled in that lamp has been bought from the money from the National treasury. Now, I am talking to you. This is a personal and friendly conversation, not related to my nation; so I cannot use that lamp now, as it will lead to wastage of the money of the national treasury. Hence, I extinguished that lamp and lit this other lamp, since the oil in this lamp has been bought from my personal money.”

This small incident exemplifies the high moral standards understood and followed even in ancient times by thought leaders like Chanakya. An excellent example of integrity of thought and action followed in all aspects of life.