For those of us who believe in the age old Indian principles of the power of the mind and the miracles it can bring, this is a mundane story. For the rest of us, especially in the business leadership and coaching spheres…possibly a reinforcement. A must have to accomplish any serious goals.

We automatically move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts.

What we think about, we are. Our minds automatically move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. What we think about, we become.

To see this work, ask someone to hold the thumb and first finger of each hand very close together- with a gap of about 2mm, or 1/10 of an inch. Go up to them and, with your hand and, without hurting them, open the gap by pulling their thumb and finger apart. You will be able to do this easily.

Now look the person in the eyes and ask them if they like butterflies. If they say ‘yes’, great. If they say ’No’, say: Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone likes butterflies!’ Next, ask them to imagine what you are saying is true, and to go along with everything you say. Check this is OK and that they will do this.

Ask them to repeat the bringing close together of their thumb and finger. However, this time, they are holding an injured butterfly. Ask them to look at the butterfly closely. The butterfly’s life is in their hands. If they can carry it to the other side of their garden, it has a good chance of living. If they let go of it, it will die for certain. Make sure they are looking at the butterfly all the time and keep repeating the messages of them saving the butterfly’s life.

Now tell them that no power on earth will stop them on their mission- and therefore nothing can separate their thumb and finger, because if this were to happen the butterfly would die. Emphasize this until you are sure they have the message- you will be able to tell by their focus; is it absolutely on the ‘butterfly’?

If so, and while repeating your message, again try to separate their thumb and finger. You will find it almost impossible.

This is not to prove the power we have in our fingers; rather the power we have in our focus.

Just so applicable to all of us who are coaching for leadership development. An absolutely invaluable lesson: appeal to the side that dreams.

I was on a radio phone-in. A man phoned in and said: “Hi David. I’ve been sat here listening to you going on and on about success. Well let me tell you this. I have never achieved anything in my life. I can’t read or write. I’m one of the forgotten few. What do you say to me then?”

On live radio-cue heartbeat and perspiration!

I talked about choices being available to us all, how it is never too late to run to read or write and even if he did not do this, because interpersonal skills are more important these days, there were still plenty of dreams he could make happen. He was having none of it.

“What you don’t realize, David, is that it’s all very well for you sitting in your comfy studio, spouting off about this and that-what about people like me who have no hope, none?”

Part of me wanted to share my personal struggles and times of hardship. I didn’t; I changed tack.

“Ok, tell me, what would you like to achieve in your life? I know you don’t think you ever will, but please, tell me just one thing you would like to do’. After a pause, he softened and said, ‘I’d love to be a car mechanic.”

“Great”, I said.

I spoke too soon … because he then said: “And I don’t know anything about cars.”

Then I said the word. I don’t know where it came from, that I didn’t matter. I leaned slightly closer towards the microphone and simply said “Yet”.

He said: “What?”

And I repeated it, saying: “You don’t know anything about cars, yet”.

To which he simply said: “Thank you”, and rang off.

That was a year ago. Just a few days before I wrote this, I received a card in the post. It was a single business card. Nothing was written on the card- there was no need for that. Because the card was a business card for this man, who is now a successful car mechanic.

I called him straight away to say well done. He apologized for not writing anything in the card, saying to me: “I know a lot about cars, and they know a lot about me. And I couldn’t put anything on the card, because I haven’t learned to read or write. Yet.”

As we become older and more “mature”; as the complexities of the tasks we do increase, we often look for complex solutions…the answer is actually quite simple. Here’s a short anecdote for anyone coaching team members and especially for those in the leadership development space.

At a recent Parents’ Evening for my eight-year old-daughter, her Form Teacher was telling my wife and me that our daughter was making good progress although she had been reluctant to tackle some of the arithmetic tasks set recently. When tackled about this, my daughter told her teacher that she couldn’t find the answer to the problem-although it seemed to be more about getting started with the task than the fact that there was a problem.

Her teacher thought about this for a while and then said to my daughter, ‘Why not forget about the problem and think about it as a puzzle?’ – which my daughter did and promptly completed the task. By reframing what the issue is, and thinking about it in another way, it obviously allowed my daughter to tackle the task confidently.

In management there are seldom many clear-cut situations- just shades of grey with different choices. Considering issues as puzzles, rather than problems, can lead to individuals and teams generating lots of different potential solutions- all of which may be valid.

(By Rob Ferrari)

Coaching can’t be a one style fits all. You often have to try different approaches to see which one will work….this approach will definitely work. Read on…

A farmer once caught a young eagle. Back home he put it with his chicken and fed it chicken food. Five years later a naturalist visited him. While walking through the garden the latter said, “This bird is an eagle, not a chicken.”

“Yes,” the owner said, “but I made a chicken out of it. Now it is not an eagle any longer.”

“Yet it is an eagle,” the nature lover said, “and I’ll show you.”

The naturalist picked up the eagle, held it high and said emphatically, “Eagle, you are an eagle, you belong in the sky and not on earth, spread your wings and fly!”

However, when the eagle saw the chicken pecking at their food, it hopped down.

The owner said, “I told you it is a chicken.”

“No,” said the naturalist, “it is an eagle and I’ll prove it.”

The next morning he took the eagle to the roof of the house and said, “Eagle, your are an eagle, spread your wings and fly.”

Again the eagle jumped down when it saw the chicken pecking their food and joined them eating.

The owner said, “I told you it is a chicken.”

“No, it is an eagle and it still has the heart of an eagle. Give it one more chance.”

The next morning he took the eagle to a high mountain. There he lifted the eagle and said to it, “Eagle, you are an eagle, you belong in the sky, spread your wings and fly!”

All of a sudden the eagle spread its wings and with a scream rose higher and higher and did not return.

The simple answer is…what you say is often not understood in the way it was intended. A funny story to highlight the perils of communication within an organization.

Memo Differences

Memo from Director General to Manager: 

Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head: 

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. 

The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day. 

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor: 

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn’t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff: 

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn’t happen everyday.

On a lighter note…a funny story highlighting this common challenge.

In the days when you couldn’t count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guesthouse owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guesthouse contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC, which stands for water closet.

She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring about the location of the nearest WC. The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a “Wayside Chapel” near the house. A bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: 

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC, as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday, as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell that rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards, 

The Schoolmaster 

Communication is a two-way street. What you say and what the other person understands could be two totally different things.

It is said that when filming the biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told, the director George Stevens was trying to encourage extra passion from John Wayne when delivering the highly significant line, “Truly, this was the Son of God.“

“You are talking about Jesus – think about it,” said Stevens, “You’ve got to say it with awe.“

For the next take John Wayne duly summoned his most intense feelings. He paused dramatically, and said:

“Aw, truly this was the Son of God.”

All of us have idiosyncrasies when it comes to styles of communication. It’s a great idea to periodically evaluate the way we communicate. Does it really get the message across?

A man in a hot air balloon is lost. He sees a man on the ground and reduces height to speak to him.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

“You’re in a hot air balloon hovering thirty feet above this field,” came the reply.

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do,” says the man, “How did you know?“

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.“

“You must be in business,” says the man.

“I am,” says the balloonist, “How did you know?“

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

In order for us to get the maximum out of our teams, honest communication is critical. We may believe that we are getting honest feedback but we need to seriously evaluate this belief. This story serves as a caution for those of us who handle teams.

The Army hired a communication consultant to improve communications, specifically between and amongst the junior officers and enlisted personnel.

The consultant asked the Generals how communication was between themselves and their subordinates. Almost as though rehearsed they replied that it was “pretty good.” They all said they had an “Open Door Policy.” They sincerely felt as though they were there for their men. The enlisted men could come in any time and talk about anything.

The consultant then asked the middle echelon officers, the Colonels and Majors, what they thought. The officers said that they also had an Open Door policy for their men and ensured that the policy was kept all the way down the chain of command. They felt things were quite good with senior officers, they were however, “. . . always aware of being diplomatic and respectfully courteous when talking with them.” They all said they were more spontaneously honest with fellow ranking officers.

When the enlisted men were asked what they thought was the communication problem in the military, they said they couldn’t tell their superiors the truth. They were always worried about promotions and pretty much kept their opinions of their sergeants and officers to themselves. The Open Door Policy? Yes, it’s there, but who’s going to tell a Sergeant or a General the truth? Whenever possible, ” . . . you tell them what they want to hear.”

The point of the story is that no matter what the leadership of an organization thinks, those dependent upon management for promotions and survival withhold certain thoughts, the personal-growth feedback, the stuff that really counts.

A hilarious story about communication between spouses. I’m sure a lot of us can empathize here.

A man and his wife had been arguing all night, and as bedtime approached neither was speaking to the other. It was not unusual for the pair to continue this war of silence for two or three days.

However, on this occasion the man was concerned; he needed to be awake at 4:30am the next morning to catch an important flight, and being a very heavy sleeper he normally relied on his wife to wake him. Cleverly, so he thought, while his wife was in the bathroom, he wrote on a piece of paper: ‘Please wake me at 4:30am – I have an important flight to catch’. He put the note on his wife’s pillow, then turned over and went to sleep.

The man awoke the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. Enraged that he’d missed his flight, he was about to go in search of his errant wife to give her a piece of his mind, when he spotted a hand-written note on his bedside cabinet.

The note said: ‘It’s 4:30am – get up.’

We often talk about bridging the communication divide amongst generations working in the same organization…here is a funny story on this theme.

The staff at an old people’s home was puzzled when one of the residents began gargling with TCP. They asked her why but all she would say was that something had happened at the post-office. This is what actually occurred.

The old lady, who rarely ventured out, had visited the post office to post a letter. She bought a stamp, and since there was a long queue behind her she stepped aside. She put her change in her purse, licked the stamp and put it on her letter. Despite pressing and thumping and licking it again, the stamp failed to stick.

“Excuse me, this stamp won’t stick,” said the old lady.

“You need to peel the paper off the back,” explained the clerk.

The old lady put on her spectacles, fiddled for a few seconds to peel off the backing paper – and then licked the stamp again.

“It still won’t stick,” interrupted the old lady again.

“It’s a self-stick stamp,” said the assistant.

“Well this one isn’t sticking at all – there’s something wrong with it,” demanded the old lady.

“Well it won’t stick now because you’ve licked it.

“Well I’m totally confused now,” said the old lady.

“Just give it here and I’ll post it for you,” said the cashier, and doing her best to explain continued, “These new stamps don’t need licking. They are self-sticking. They save time. They are already sticky.“

The old lady continued to look blankly at the assistant.

“Look,” said the well-meaning but desperate post-office clerk, “Just imagine they’ve already been licked…”

This sent the old lady scurrying out of the door and across the road to the chemist.

You can never stop learning how to improve communication…it’s a never ending process….even if you teach communication !!!!!!!!!

On hearing one of his students use the expression, “I don’t know nothing about it…” a teacher took the opportunity to explain about double negatives and correct grammar to the class.

The teacher explained, “In the English language a double negative makes the statement positive, so your assertion that you ‘don’t know nothing about it’ is actually an admission that you do know something about it.“

Encouraged by the interest in this revelation among certain class members, the teacher went on to demonstrate more of his knowledge of world languages: “Of course not all languages operate according to the same grammatical rules, for example, in Russian, a double negative remains negative, although perhaps surprisingly, there is not a single language anywhere in the world in which a double positive makes a negative..“

At which a voice from the back of the classroom called out ironically “Yeah, right..”

Listening is a much underrated skill. People think it’s the easiest thing in the world to do but it’s not. Most of us like the sound of our voices and the more authority we have, the more we want others to listen to us. Alas, a common affliction at the workplace too. A humorous story on the importance of listening.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say…,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!“

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

Communication is sometimes the toughest skill for those that are not born with great communication skills. Sometimes it’s just about being tactful and the message is received much better. A story on “Communicating out-of-the-box”.

A Sultan called in one of his seers and asked how long he would live.

“Sire,” said the seer, “you would live to see all your sons dead.” The sultan flew into a rage and handed the prophet over to his guards for execution.

He then called for a second seer, and asked him the same question. “Sire,” said the prophet, “I see you blessed with long life, so long that you will outlive all your family.“

The sultan was delighted and rewarded this seer with gold and silver jewelry.

Both prophets knew the truth, but one had tact, the other did not.

Everyone wants to retain talented members in their team. Here is a little advice from Mario Mazzola, Chief Development Officer at Cisco Systems on how to go about it.

Motivating and retaining talented people can be difficult. There are situations when a leader has to motivate his/her people to find a complex solution rather than a simpler one. There are occasions were he/she might have to make people find really simple solutions.

Mario Mazzola, Chief Development Officer at Cisco Systems, suggests that one effective way to retain talented people is to provide them with challenge.

Some talented people are good at finding complex solutions to complex problems. But simple solutions can be useful sometimes. So Mazzola encourages these kinds of people to design simpler solutions by mastering the basics. Designing simpler solutions needs discipline, imagination, and self-confidence. This task provides them with enough challenge.

Some talented people are good at finding efficient and innovative ways to develop new technologies. But since customers use existing technologies, what they really need most of the times, is an integrated solution. Creating an integrated solution can be a complex problem and a complex problem might need a complex solution.

To encourage people to develop complex solutions, Mazzola first acknowledges their resourcefulness and also encourages them to meet customers to understand the situations in which customers operate. This provides them with healthy challenges, while giving recognition to their ingenuity.

All of us are well acquainted with Murphy’s law…this funny story talks about the “evils” of rushing in at the last minute.

After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O’Shaunessey was saying his farewells at his retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation – a leading politician – had been asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late arriving.

So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone: “I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me as to what sort of place I’d come to… That first confession remains the worst I’ve ever heard. The chap confessed that he’d stolen a TV set from a neighbor and lied to the police when questioned, successfully blaming it on a local scallywag. He said that he’d stolen money from his parents and from his employer; that he’d had affairs with several of his friends’ wives; that he’d taken hard drugs, and had slept with his sister and given her VD. You can imagine what I thought… However I’m pleased to say that as the days passed I soon realized that this sad fellow was a frightful exception and that this parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind and decent people…“

At this point the politician arrived and apologized for being late, and keen to take the stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his pocket:

“I’ll always remember when Father O’Shaunessey first came to our parish,” said the politician, “In fact, I’m pretty certain that I was the first person in the parish that he heard in confession..”

Why invest in viewing the complete picture? Often what we appear to see is only part of the story…and we act before taking the time to understand…a nice story on viewing the complete picture.

A little old couple walked into a fast food restaurant.

The little old man walked up to the counter, ordered the food, paid, and took the tray back to the table where the little old lady sat.

On the tray was a hamburger, a small bag of fries and a drink. Carefully the old man cut the hamburger in two, and divided the fries into two neat piles. He sipped the drink and passed it to the little old lady, who took a sip and passed it back.

A young man on a nearby table had watched the old couple and felt sorry for them. He offered to buy them another meal, but the old man politely declined, saying that they were used to sharing everything.

The old man began to eat his food, but his wife sat still, not eating. The young continued to watch the couple. He still felt he should be offering to help. As the little old man finished eating, the old lady had still not started on her food. “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating?” asked the young man sympathetically.

The old lady looked up and said politely, “I’m waiting for the teeth..”