One of the basic emotional skills is the ability to recognize different feelings emanating from within and giving a name to them. Knowing one’s emotional strength and weaknesses is of great help because the inner self has to constantly respond to the outer world. It is generally believed that if one cannot interpret one’s own emotions, he or she may not be able to identify the right path that might lead to success.

When it comes to being successful and a figure that is revered around the world, few can match up to the eccentric Portuguese footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo. He is a man who has become a role model and has inspired millions across the world. Today, he is a household name and makes more money in a week than the annual budget of many third world countries. Few sportsmen, if any, have managed to achieve as meteoric a rise as Ronaldo.

That Cristiano Ronaldo is a gifted footballer and a master of his arts is beyond question. However, when one speaks about emotional intelligence, Ronaldo was in the lower spectrum early in his career. When he started playing in his youth and especially after signing for the legendary football club Manchester United, Ronaldo was seen as someone who liked to show off more than produce; an arrogant young lad capable of little more than dancing on the pitch.

This can however be said of many famous sports personalities, the glaring light of fame often blinding young men and women to become arrogant versions of themselves. Sooner or later, this behavior comes out and starts impacting not only their play on the field but also their popularity off the pitch. How all of them react to the criticism faced because of these actions of theirs however is usually very different. How Ronaldo reacted, for example, was elegant.

When he started garnering intense criticism for his frequent outbursts and needless showing off on the field of play from both fans and his manager alike, he could have very easily ignored it and carried on with his arrogant self; instead Ronaldo embraced the criticism. Game after game, the manager, the fans and the media could all see a change in Ronaldo’s attitude. He started becoming lot less pretty and a lot more beautiful, producing more and more results rather than flashy skill shows. Not only did he become someone who the young football fans looked up to more and more, his play on the field also progressed by leaps and bounds. He became more athletic, more focused and more productive till the point that he is now one of the top goal scorers in football history. A few incidents every now and then, he is now considered as one of the most matured players of the game and is often revered as an icon for the youth.

“Know Thyself” said Socrates. Self Awareness is the key to success no matter what your definition of success might be. Only by knowing one’s own strengths and weaknesses can one reach the peak of success. Along with knowing and accepting your weaknesses and working on them, what is also important is to know your strength and have belief in them. History abounds with tales of experts who were convinced that the ideas, plans, and projects of others could never be achieved. However, accomplishment came to those who said, “I can make it happen.”

The Italian sculptor Agostino d’Antonio worked diligently on a large piece of marble. Unable to produce his desired masterpiece, he lamented, “I can do nothing with it.” Other sculptors also worked this difficult piece of marble, but to no avail. Michelangelo discovered the stone and visualized the possibilities in it. His “I-can-make-it-happen” attitude resulted in one of the world’s masterpieces – David.

The experts of Spain concluded that Columbus’s plans to discover a new and shorter route to India was virtually impossible. Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand ignored the report of the experts. “I can make it happen,” Columbus persisted. And he did. Everyone knew the world was flat, but not Columbus. The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, along with Columbus and his small band of followers, sailed to “impossible” new lands and thriving resources.

Even the great Thomas Alva Edison discouraged his friend, Henry Ford, from pursuing his fledgling idea of a motorcar. Convinced of the worthlessness of the idea, Edison invited Ford to come and work for him. Ford remained committed and tirelessly pursued his dream. Although his first attempt resulted in a vehicle without reverse gear, Henry Ford knew he could make it happen. And, of course, he did.

“Forget it,” the experts advised Madame Curie. They agreed radium was a scientifically impossible idea. However, Marie Curie insisted, “I can make it happen.” Let’s not forget our friends Orville and Wilbur Wright. Journalists, friends, armed forces specialists, and even their father laughed at the idea of an airplane. “What a silly and insane way to spend money. Leave flying to the birds,” they jeered. “Sorry,” the Wright brothers responded. “We have a dream, and we can make it happen.” As a result, a place called Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, became the setting for the launching of their “ridiculous” idea.

Finally, as you read these accounts under the magnificent lighting of your environment, consider the plight of Benjamin Franklin. He was admonished to stop the foolish experimenting with lighting. What an absurdity and waste of time! Why, nothing could outdo the fabulous oil lamp. Thank goodness Franklin knew he could make it happen.

You too can make it happen!

Recognizing and identifying emotions is a prerequisite for developing emotional intelligence. There is a major difference between experiencing emotions and recognizing them. We all experience emotions but only a few among us can actually recognize them. Recognizing your emotions is the ability to use the analytical capabilities of your brain. People who can identify and recognize their emotions have higher levels of emotional intelligence. Being clear about your emotions is necessary for living with a purpose. In the process, you will learn how to improve your EQ (Emotional Quotient) by controlling a particular emotion.

Let us diagnose a high profile career woman working in a nationalized bank. She always feels that nobody cares for her. She is smart, conscientious, well organized and industrious. She really cares about other people. But whenever there is a function and invitations are sent out, she invariably does not get invited.

At office she hears of lunch plans in the making, but ends up eating alone at her table. There is a reason why she is not on anybody’s guest list. She is an angry woman, but she does not know about it. Nor does she want to admit that she gets angry on trivial issues. Perhaps, she is angry because she did not get promoted, or her mother loved her sister more than her, or her boyfriend had cheated on her. There is no need to explore any more reasons. But whatever the reason(s), she does not want to acknowledge that she gets angry.

Most of the time she concentrates on pushing away her emotions—something she is really good at. She convinces herself through constant mental chatter: ‘No one ever gives me a chance…they’re so unfair…it wasn’t my fault.’ She pushes these feelings out of her system but projects them on to everyone else. Since she is unable to recognize either her own emotions or those of others, she is often caught off guard and hurt by any direct confrontation. She is therefore always on her guard and defends herself at every turn. If, for example, the room feels warm, she will say that she was nowhere near the thermostat. When something upsets her, and most things do, it comes as a complete surprise to her, and her knee jerk response is ‘I’ve done nothing wrong’. People sense the anger and try to avoid her. Rather than experience the pain of constant rejection, she is endlessly obsessed about how unfairly she is being treated and so perpetuates the cycle of emotional hurt.

Have you been able to diagnose our high profile career woman? She changes her mood, rationalizes and rehearses, and in doing so, changes the emotion she experiences from internal hurt to poorly concealed rage. If only she could learn to recognize all her emotions and not be caught off guard, she would definitely be able to develop the ability to manage her anger. And this would enable her to hear unpleasant things without becoming angry or bear hurt without expressing the hurt as hostility. She could become a much more desirable person to interact with and be noticed and welcome by all.

Source: Emotional Intelligence at work, by Dalip Singh

In moving towards the goal of emotional intelligence, they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, and that’s true in every aspect of life. Self-awareness and introspection have the ring of a self-help guru’s empty promises, but they are the starting point that leads to every improvement.

Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.

Take for example the famous story about the circus elephant. Do you know what they do to keep a circus elephant from running away? They tie a metal chain onto a collar around the mighty elephant’s leg – and tie it to a small wooden peg that’s hammered into the ground. The 10-foot tall, 5,000 kilo hulk could easily snap the chain, uproot the wooden peg, and escape to freedom. But it does not do that. In fact it does not even try. The world’s most powerful animal, which can uproot a tree as easily as you and I can break a toothpick, remains tied down by a small peg and a flimsy chain. How come?

It’s because when the elephant was a baby, its trainers used exactly the same methods. A chain was tied around its leg and the other end of the chain was tied to a metal stake on the ground. The chain and peg were strong enough for the baby elephant. When it tried to break away, the metal chain would pull it back. Sometimes, tempted by the world it could see in the distance, the elephant would pull harder. But the chain would cut into the skin on the elephant’s leg, making it bleed, creating a wound that would hurt the baby elephant even more. Soon, the baby elephant realized it was futile trying to escape. It stopped trying!

And now when the big circus elephant is tied by a chain around its leg, it remembers the pain it felt as a baby. And it does not try to break away. So even though it’s just a chain and a little wooden peg, the elephant stands still. It remembers its limitations, and knows that it can only move as much as the chain will allow. It does not matter that the metal stake has been replaced by a wooden peg. It does not matter that the 100 kilo baby is now a 5,000 kilo powerhouse. However, the elephant’s belief prevails.

We are all the elephant. All that stops us from escaping to our freedom is ourselves. All we need to achieve freedom is to realize our strength and our weaknesses. And once we do that, all we need is to break the chains and stride away.

Building relationships and managing them is a driving factor for achieving success. Knowing the needs of your colleagues and your subordinates is what makes you a great leader and inspires people to follow you.

There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project in the town of Thumba, Kerala. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one of the scientists came to his boss and told him – “Sir, I have promised my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5:30 pm.” His boss replied “OK, You’re permitted to leave the office early today”.

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual, he got involved to such an extent that he only looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion. The time was 8.30 PM. He suddenly remembered the promise he had given his children. He looked for his boss, He was not there. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.

He reached home. The children were not there. His wife was sitting in the hall alone and reading magazines. The situation was explosive; any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him “Would you like to have coffee or shall I serve dinner straight away?” The man replied “If you would like to have coffee I will have it as well, but where are the children?”

The wife replied “You don’t know? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and took the children to the exhibition”. What had really happened was…. the boss, who granted him permission, was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to the exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to the exhibition.

The boss did not have to do it. But once it is done, loyalty is established. That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous. By the way, can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????

He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.

A lot of people feel content with their life, how it’s progressing and if it is what they expected it to be. They experience stress when they are not able to see that picture or are not satisfied with it. Take a look at the research study for a better understanding.

Many college students may find the academic experience very stressful (K. J. Swick, 1987).165 students completed a questionnaire assessing their time management behaviour’s and attitudes, stress, and self-perceptions of performance and grade point average (GPA). The study revealed 2 major findings. Students who perceived control of their time reported significantly greater evaluations of their performance, greater work and life satisfaction, less role ambiguity, less role overload, and fewer job-induced and somatic tensions. Findings are consistent with theory and advice on time management (e.g., R. S. Schuler; 1979) but also indicate that the dynamics of time management are more complex than previously believed.

A lot of times for a lot of people, success is a need. It denies them clarity and aid in figuring out what’s important. Prioritizing though, is easier for people who are satisfied with their work and excel by means of careful planning and implementation.

Take GOTHAM CONCIERGE for example,in the summer of 2008 at its peak, Alison Kero, Gotham’s founder, was running errands and handling tasks for more clients than she could handle, from busy housewives to disorganized lawyers and hedge fund managers.

WHAT WENT WRONG As home prices and the stock market plummeted in the fall of 2008, Ms. Kero’s clients began cutting back. She spent thousands of dollars on advertising that did not work. Worse, she became increasingly frustrated with the tedium of running errands. In July, when one of her two remaining clients forgot about a meeting — and then blamed Ms. Kero for not reminding her about it — she decided to close up shop.

“I realize now I didn’t love what I did,” she said. “I loved running a business.” In late October, she moved to Denver and started a pet care business, Alicat Pet Service, which is doing well for itself.

Procrastination concerns a person’s ability to meet deadlines hence temporal dimension is clearly important to this personality construct. Person’s with arousal motives, like the rush last moment gives to complete a task so they put it off until then. Avoidance motivation of procrastination pushes the person to keep aside the feelings of anxiety and hence the tasks associated to it. Read on to see that there are times that brilliant people work like this too but the ball will drop sooner or later. You cant get away with this all the time.

The last of “Five Good Emperors,” Marcus Aurelius ruled Rome from AD 161 to 180, when its empire controlled most of the western world. He was a great warrior and statesman, but is best remembered now as a philosopher. This is what he had to say about procrastination, in his famous Meditations: “Think of all the years passed by in which you said to yourself-‘I will do it tomorrow’, and how the gods have again and again granted you periods of grace of which you have not availed yourself.” 180 AD though, now, we do not necessarily think on the same lines.

Set aside a time to worry and be averse of the task at your disposal. As the deadline approaches however, get yourselves to work and be as efficient as you can. The great American architect Frank Lloyd Wright designed his most famous house at the age of 67—in two hours. Wealthy Pittsburgh businessman Edgar Kaufmann Sr. commissioned Wright to create Fallingwater, a house in rural Pennsylvania, in 1934. Wright visited the site in November and wrote to Kaufmann assuring him that he had been working on the plans, but had not actually drawn a thing.

So imagine Wright’s surprise when Kaufmann called him at home early on Sunday morning, on September 22, 1935, to announce that he would be visiting before lunch, and couldn’t wait to see the design. Wright calmly finished breakfast and, while a group of extremely nervous apprentices looked on, drew the plans in the time it took Kaufmann to drive up from Pittsburgh. This time the procrastination paid off: Fallingwater was listed as National Historic Landmark in 1966.

Time management behaviours are closely related to perceived effectiveness and work-related morale. The belief of a good result helps a person to manage his time and tasks well.

The study conducted by Kearns and Gardiner (2007) tests the claims that people who manage their time well perceive themselves to be more effective and feel less stressed. University staff and students were utilized to investigate the relationship between time management related behaviours, perceived effectiveness, and work‐related morale and distress. Results suggested a hierarchy of time management behaviours.

Having a clear sense of career purpose was most important for perceived effectiveness at work, followed by planning and prioritizing. This study has significant practical implications for staff and students. If the aim of using time management strategies is to improve performance and reduce stress, people need to learn to identify the purpose in their career, then plan their time accordingly, rather than tidying desks and hanging ‘do not disturb’ signs on doors.

Planning helps us in understanding the steps that need to be taken towards achieving our goals. Time management just ensures that we most appropriately divide our time between the specific activities so that we can accomplish the desired task at hand punctually.

To conceive and execute an idea step by step, it is important to bring future to the present. It helps in understanding what is more important to be done. It enhances the focus of one who ideate’s. It also helps him or her in not procrastinating or getting stuck.

Todd Henry is the Founder of Accidental Creative. He says, “My biggest method is to end with the beginning in mind. Whenever I’m working on a long-arc project, I always end every work session knowing where I’ll pick up the next day. I don’t procrastinate because I want to avoid the work, I often do it because I’m uncertain of the right next step. This tactic keeps me from getting stuck.”

How do we replicate and scale a successful model in diverse situations and circumstances? An important aspect of time management is also detailing tasks at hand, understanding what is necessary and what can be eliminated.

To understand what works, it is always a good idea to document how many times it did. For anything you do more than three times, write down your process in detail. Build playbooks that you can hand off to someone else, so they can execute something exactly the way you would. Never get held up by people asking what the next step is or whom they should ask about a process.

This is how Uber in particular scaled so quickly. They’ve grown to over 70 cities and they’ve killed it in all of them. How did they do it? With a playbook. They have a list of the things they do in every single city when they launch, with slight regional adjustments. They have practiced this method and tested it and wrote it all down. So now they just execute, like turning a key.

Single tasking is the new buzzword – can it really work in a frenetic paced world where multiple things demand attention all the time…

There’s probably not a job description in the universe that doesn’t call for multitasking. And yet, the trend that is taking hold in many quarters is single-tasking.

Instead of trying to be all things to all people, successful executives are streamlining their work and seeking Zen-like focus. Another trick is to prioritize what is important, focus on that and do the next most important thing.

Take, for example, Carlos Ghosn, CEO of Renault and Nissan. He has streamlined the way meetings are administered, allocating a maximum of one hour and 30 minutes for single-topic meetings.

Dr. Robert Cialdini defined social proof as people doing what they observe other people doing. It’s a principle that’s based upon the idea of safety in numbers. Social proof plays off our insecurities and desire to do the “right thing.”

Occasionally, in studies, users state that they don’t care about user reviews, they don’t trust other people’s opinions, and they make all of their decisions based totally on their own independent perspective. Unfortunately, thousands of psychology studies prove this statement false — another example of why we should base design decisions on what users do rather than what they say.

Several websites use this to make sure that a viewer is converted to a customer. Take Amazon for example, before purchasing a product, its reviews and star ratings are considered by the customer. If the product has been reviewed favourably, especially by a certified buyer then it must be good. To ensure sales, Amazon also has ‘customer who viewed this also viewed’ section. It tells the viewer that if people like him who viewed the product have viewed the others in the aforesaid section then there must be a cause and he should too.

One way of boosting sales is by letting the market know how much work has gone into making that product. This not only helps the customers to understand the procedure but also accept and applaud its efficiency. It tells a story and adds credibility to the organisation’s claims.

Apple for instance, created a video to tell its customers about how important their gratification and ease of using their product is. In the video, the vice president of different portfolios explain the idea behind the design and what makes it robust as well as unique.

The video, for their new MacBook, is about the quality of the product as well as its aesthetics, which are the traits that matter the most to the customers.

When things are scarce we want them. This principle is a tactic used by several marketing professionals. To bolster the demand of their product, this principle is used.

Ever saw something you were not entirely sure to buy and the webpage or salesperson said that it is running out of stock? Did you then, buy it? The website used this principle to push you to buy what you were looking at. Several popular e-commerce websites use this tactic to pursue the consumer to buy a product.

While talking to your teammate, your boss or a friend, it is always better to use ‘We/us/our’ to make an impact. The agenda, when seems to contribute to a greater good gets more people to agree to it. Not just the listener, the agenda then includes the speaker as well.

One fine example of this is Barack Obama. Read this transcript for more clarity- “That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred.Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.”

“Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.”

“Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America – they will be met.”

In conflict resolution, managing change and crisis, this technique comes handy.

What do people mean when they describe a person as ‘cold’? Whether at work or in our personal relationships, we like to feel comfortable and appreciated. We count these traits in if we want to trust someone as well. Take this experiment for an instance.

A Yale experiment took two groups of individuals. Each group was to conduct a quick interview with a potential job candidate and then determine if they would hire the individual based on their quick interaction. Both groups interviewed the same guy with the same set of questions in the exact same environment. Before the interview and meeting the candidate, the test groups were asked to hold a beverage. Group A was given a warm beverage; Group B was given a cold beverage. Across the board, the group primed with a warm beverage said they would hire the candidate, Group B, given the cold beverage, all said they would not hire the candidate!

The simple act of priming the target with a warm beverage totally changed the outcome of the interview, all unconsciously. Next time you are performing an on-site penetration test, have a warm drink handy and find an excuse to get your target to hold it for you. The idea is that the warm drink triggers thoughts of comfort, warmth, and friendliness. These triggers change people’s perception of events after the priming.

Verbal Persuasion is another source of self-efficacy. Essentially this involves convincing people that they have the ability to succeed at a particular task. The best way for a leader to use verbal persuasion is through the Pygmalion effect. The Pygmalion effect is a form of a self-fulfilling prophesy in which believing something to be true can make it true.

Rosenthal and Jacobson’s (1968) classic study is a good example of the Pygmalion effect. Teachers were told by their supervisor that one group of students had very high IQ scores (when in fact they had average to low IQ scores), and the same teacher was told that another group of students had low IQ scores (when in fact they had high IQ scores).

Consistent with the Pygmalion effect, the teachers spent more time with the students they thought were smart, gave them more challenging assignments, and expected more of them—all of which led to higher student self-efficacy and better student grades. A more recent experiment conducted by Harvard researchers in a ghetto community produced similar results (Rist, 2000). The Pygmalion effect also has been used in the workplace. Research has indicated that when managers are confident that their subordinates can successfully perform a task, the subordinates perform at a higher level. However, the power of the persuasion would be contingent on the leader’s credibility, previous relationship with the employees, and the leader’s influence in the organization (Eden, 2003).

Set the tone right to create a win-win situation. Change the tone and set it to positive to persuade and convince the other person to agree to you.

A wonderful example of this in retail is in the case of Starbucks coffee. When you approach the counter to order a drink at Starbucks, the barista will ask you a carefully worded question, “What can I get started for you?” The use of the word started infers that this is the beginning of something and that there is an ending that is separate from the beginning. Starting something infers that the task must be finished which draws your attention back to the bar and onto the food items. Your brain wants to finish your order, started with a drink, with something to eat. A subtle way of cross selling at the point of sale.

Hospitality companies are famed for their high standards of service excellence towards their guests. In fact some of them have almost legendary reputation for service, but one has to wonder: Do they really live up to the hype? Read on to see how a well-known hotel chain ensured that even their smallest customer felt the warmth of their customer-centric initiatives.

The story of Joshie the giraffe certainly presents a compelling case for “yes!” In case you’ve never come across this fantastic tale, the story begins when customer Chris Hurn’s son left his favorite stuffed giraffe, “Joshie,” in their hotel room after a recent stay.

Mr. Hurn assured his distraught son that Joshie was just staying a few extra days on vacation. He then called the staff at the Ritz and relayed the story he had told his son. In an all-star effort to make everything right for their customer, the staff at the Ritz created a series of photographs that included all of the activities Joshie had been involved in during his “extended vacation.”

First things first: They knew Joshie couldn’t just be aimlessly wandering around the Ritz without a staff card … so they made him one! After that, Joshie headed over to the pool area to relax. Not one to sit around and do nothing, Joshie helped out in the loss prevention department.

Joshie then decided to melt away some stress with a spa day. To top it all off, the Ritz sent Hurn and his son a booklet filled with information about Joshie’s stay as well as a host of pictures showing what a good time he’d had. What a story!