Being on time is a credo which all airlines like to live by. However, when it comes to being empathetic to their customer’s needs, the next story will demonstrate how a leading airline bent its rules to ensure that a distressed customer was able to be with his mother in her last moments.

When Kerry Drake got on his United Airline flight, the mother he was en route to see was facing her final hours. To add an extra layer of distress, Drake knew that if he missed his connecting flight he would likely not see her before she passed. After his first flight got delayed, Drake broke down into tears on the plane. The flight attendants soon noticed his state and quickly found out what was wrong. Within minutes, Drake’s dilemma was relayed to the captain, who radioed ahead to Drake’s next flight.

The flight’s crew responded by delaying the flight’s departure to make sure he got on board. “I was still like maybe 20 yards away when I heard the gate agent say, ‘Mr. Drake, we’ve been expecting you,’” he said. When Drake finally sat on the second flight, he realized how much went into getting him onto the plane. “I was overcome with emotion!”

The result of many staff members working together to go above-and-beyond the call of duty to help this customer was that Drake made it to the hospital in time to see his mother. “At one point she opened her eyes, and I think she recognized me,” said Drake, who spent the night at the hospital. “Around 4 a.m. she had a real moment of coherence, a last rally, although we didn’t know it at the time. It was the last time.” She died that very morning.

Drake wrote the staff a heartfelt thank you letter expressing his immense gratitude for a team who was willing to pull together and pull out all the stops to assist in any way they could. In the coverage of this story on CNN, consumer advocate Christopher Elliot said:“Airline employees are evaluated based on their ability to keep a schedule. Airlines compete with each other on who has the best on-time departure record. When the crew on this flight heard about this distraught passenger trying to make his connection, they must have said, ‘To hell with it’… and they made the right call.” We think so, too.

This is a fun story! It’s also a clear reminder that many of the most fondly remembered service stories are the ones that come out spontaneously. This story certainly fits the bill, and it is bound to inspire you to take some extra time to surprise a valued customer every once in a while.

Peter Shankman knows a thing or two about customer service. As an author, consultant and speaker on the topic, it’s safe to say his standards are high. While at an airport, Shankman realized that if he didn’t grab a bite to eat he’d be stuck riding the plane back on an empty stomach. Not one for fast food, Shankman took a shot in the dark and jokingly tweeted to one of his favorite restaurants, Morton’s, asking them if they would deliver him a steak!

Peter Shankman ✔ @petershankman: Hey @Mortons – can you meet me at newark airport with a porterhouse when I land in two hours? K, thanks. 🙂 Even though he’s a longtime customer of the steakhouse, Shankman admits that he had no expectations when he sent out the tweet. After all, who ever heard of steak on wheels?!

To Shankman’s utter disbelief, one of Morton’s staff drove 23 miles to the airport to greet him with a full meal: Peter Shankman ✔ @petershankman Oh My God. I don’t believe it. @mortons showed up at EWR WITH A PORTERHOUSE! “He proceeds to tell me that he’d heard I was hungry, and inside is a 24 oz. Porterhouse steak, an order of Colossal Shrimp, a side of potatoes, one of Morton’s famous round things of bread, two napkins, and silverware.” –Peter Shankman

One of the most interesting things about Shankman’s story is that he admits that this “stunt” was meant to be out of the ordinary … and that’s completely okay.“Customer service isn’t about telling people how awesome you are, it’s about creating stories that do the talking for you.”

This is a stellar example of doing exactly that, and Morton’s deserves all of the attention they received (and more) for making it happen.

What is it that sets a company apart from the fact that its products are of great quality? Read on to see how Traders Joe’s differentiated itself by placing customer needs above all else.

An elderly man, 89 years of age, was snowed in at his Pennsylvanian home around the holidays, and his daughter was worried that he wasn’t going to have access to enough food due to the impending storm and bad weather in the area.

After calling multiple stores in a desperate attempt to find anyone who would deliver to her father’s home, she finally got a hold of someone at Trader Joe’s, who told her that they also do not deliver … normally.

Given the extreme circumstance, they told her that they would gladly deliver directly to his home, and even suggested additional delivery items that would fit perfectly with his special low-sodium diet.After the daughter placed the order for the food, the employee on the phone told her that she didn’t need to worry about the price; the food would be delivered free of charge. The employee then wished her a Merry Christmas.

Less than 30 minutes later the food was at the man’s doorstep—for free!

In refusing to let red tape get in the way of a customer in need, Trader Joe’s shows that customer service doesn’t need to be about the fanfare, it can simply be about doing the right thing.

Sometimes when faced with unusual requests from customers, the response of a company goes a long way to create both ‘customer delight and loyalty’. Read on about a story where the request of a small boy was treated very seriously by the company in question.

Losing a favorite toy feels devastating to a young child. Longtime Lego fan Luka Apps spent all of his Christmas money on a Ninjago (Lego ninja) named Jay XZ. Against his dad’s advisement, he brought his Ninjago on a shopping trip … and lost it. Luka wrote a letter to Lego explaining his loss and assuring the Lego staff that he would take extra-special care of his action figure if they sent him another one.

“Hello,My name is Luka Apps and I am seven years old. With all my money I got for Christmas I bought the Ninjago kit of the Ultrasonic Raider. The number is 9449. It is really good. My Daddy just took me to Sainsbury’s and told me to leave the people at home but I took them and I lost Jay ZX at the shop as it fell out of my coat. I am really upset I have lost him. Daddy said to send you a email to see if you will send me another one.I promise I won’t take him to the shop again if you can. – Luka”

The response he received from Lego customer support representative Richard was nothing short of amazing. Richard told Luke that he had talked to Sensei Wu (a Ninjago character), and he told him to tell Luka, “Your father seems like a very wise man. You must always protect your Ninjago minifigures like the dragons protect the Weapons of Spinjitzu!” Sensei Wu also told me it was okay if I sent you a new Jay and told me it would be okay if I included something extra for you because anyone that saves their Christmas money to buy the Ultrasonic Raider must be a really big Ninjago fan. So, I hope you enjoy your Jay minifigure with all his weapons. You will actually have the only Jay minifigure that combines 3 different Jays into one! I am also going to send you a bad guy for him to fight! Just remember, what Sensei Wu said: keep your minifigures protected like the Weapons of Spinjitzu! And of course, always listen to your dad.”

It’s so rare to see such a thoughtful, creative response to a distraught customer – what better way to make a customer for life.

Many of the memorable stories that we’ve covered so far focus on a company’s stellar response to an usual situation … but what about those day-to-day service stories? Superb service is not limited to out of the ordinary circumstances. It can be incorporated into the very fabric of your business, showing up in even the most common of instances. That’s why we love this next story shared by a customer in Streetsboro, Ohio.

The story was posted on Reddit under the appropriately titled topic of “I have never in my life seen this level of customer service” and included this genuine, thoughtful thank-you note.

But the best part of this tale is that despite the fact that this image was shared on the internet, random commenter’s starting pointing out that they knew exactly which business this was, “I used to live in Streetsboro and I know exactly who that is. He’s a good man, stay with him!”

Now that’s the definition of memorable service! The praise continued with non-customers, too, with one commenter saying, “It’s little things like this that earn business. If I got this card I would never use another mechanic in my life.”

The belief that you should do your best to “make things right” with customers in tough situations is a recurring theme among those companies with legendary customer service. That said, even the greats of the customer service world will have a hard time topping the story below.

In an outstanding example of taking care of customers, Bungie Studios, a popular game developer in the industry, raised the bar for their willingness to take care of their fans.

The story begins with a distraught father whose son had to receive liver transplant surgery around the holidays. Since being in the hospital left his son unable to play the newest release of his favorite video game franchise, Halo, his dad reached out to Bungie.

The response he received from the company went far beyond what anyone expected!First, the entire Bungie team signed and sent a card with get-well wishes. To make up for missing out on playing Halo, the team built him a custom helmet based off of the main character and sent it along with shirts, toys and custom art from the game’s designers.

His father later posted a thank you thread and a collection of images on Christmas day, which was when Bungie visited his son in the hospital and brought the gifts. “He was absolutely shocked when he saw the custom helmet from Halo Reach! Bungie, you have played a huge part in making this smile! My family can’t thank you enough!”

With a clear vision in mind, the leaders know what they want and how they want it. Take Disneyland for example-

The Disneyland theme parks and resorts all over the world all live from the holistic “magical” experience and atmosphere they keep up. A huge part of this magic stems from the perfection of the park’s decoration.This love of detail goes back to the founder of the Disney Company. Walt Disney was inspired to work on the project of building a steady and well managed children’s amusement park, in contrast to the at that time common wandering state fairs, by his wish to offer his own children and the children of his employees a place to enjoy their free time together having an experience totally out of the ordinary.Disney and a small team of employees spent five years working out the plans for Disneyland with much love for detail and special treats, in Disney’s own words: “… I just want it to look like nothing else in the world. And it should be surrounded by a train.”

The founder’s spirit is still part of the company’s culture and a secret for its on-going success:

Creativity is best described as thinking out-of-the-box. A creative leader develops a product that is unique and is a viable solution.

The Strida is an innovative design of folding bicycle intended for short distance use and to link with other modes of transport. Mark Sanders designed the Strida while he was a postgraduate student on the joint Royal College of Art/Imperial College Industrial Design Engineering course. The idea arose from personal need, when he was travelling from Windsor to London.

A creative leader, like Sanders:

• Immerses himself in the problem at each stage, in order to see if ideas from other areas or from nature (biological analogies) might offer a solution.

• Gathers information from any likely source.

• Brainstorms to clarify any vague ideas in the head.

• Drafts its USP, Strida for example, is lightweight and low cost. Sanders also worked on its ease of handling.

Mark Sanders thus gave his community an innovative product that solves their problem while making an organization that has a definite objective.

A good leader is passionate and has a clear vision. He aligns his followers and motivates them to achieve the goal beneficial for the company. Good leaders do not compromise on ethics either, like in this case study-

H. Ross Perot started his career as a salesman for IBM. In the 1960s he started his own company, Electric Data Systems (EDS), one of the first businesses that built and serviced computer systems for other companies. In contrast to IBM, Perot trained his workers to do whatever needed to be done for a customer without waiting for approval. There was a strong bias toward action.

In the beginning, Perot shunned strategic planning. Over the next few years, however, he hired military officers who could take orders and give orders. Perot’s slogan was “Go, do.”

If an employee took credit for someone else’s work, they were out the door. The motto of Perot’s company at one point was “We bring order to chaos.”

Subordinates have a tendency to restrain themselves and be apprehensive when it comes to interacting with their leaders. Most employees think that they work for the person above them. Leadership requires the discretion to treating everyone equally and in doing so respect individual differences and developmental levels or skill set. Efficient leaders practice leadership rather than supervision and assign members important and responsible tasks.

When General Electric’s top management launched a major drive to encourage their high-level executives to embrace information-age technology and use it in their daily work, they found that many of the veteran managers were computer illiterate. Jack Welch, GE’s chairman and CEO liked to get things done quickly. He then asked the top managers to find a mentor, a younger tech savvy employee to help them in advancing their knowledge in technology. Welch himself did the same, as he used to communicate using hand-written notes too. The young employees felt more at ease with the top managers and observed first-hand the abilities needed to be successful at that level. Not only it increased their confidence and facilitated knowledge exchange, it also strengthened the leader-follower bond.

Researches have confirmed that high job performance is directly related to high leader-member exchange. GE, back in 2000 showed us a great example of motivating the employees and learning from each other.

At its simplest, empathy can be defined as the ability to understand other people’s emotions and feelings. It helps us understand a person’s experience from their perspective. It encourages pro-social behaviour. Leaders first understand the other’s perspective and then respond. Whether in negotiation or to form leader-follower relationship, empathy is imperative to make decisions.

Toro, the lawn equipment manufacturer, is accustomed to lawsuits, due to the inherent hazards associated with using its machinery. During the late 1980s, the company was facing major financial troubles and put Ken Melrose in place as CEO. One of his first successes was reducing the company’s cost of lawsuits by implementing a new mediation policy, and invoking an important leadership trait: empathy.

Prior to Melrose’s tenure, Toro faced about 50 lawsuits every year involving serious injuries. He decided to switch to mediation to address product liability claims. This approach included sending a company representative to meet with people injured by Toro products, as well as their families. The objective was to see what went wrong, express the firm’s sympathy and attend to the family’s needs. One result of the new mediation policy was a 95% rate of resolving the company’s claims, along with significant cost savings.

Great leaders recognize problems and do what it takes to overcome them. They are open and empathetic and let their values guide their actions.

Leadership is the ability to not only understand and utilize one’s innate talents, but to also effectively leverage the natural strengths of one’s team to accomplish the mission. Leaders better whichever environment they are in and demonstrate great power to unite their team and empower them to achieve organisational goals. Leaders establish their efficiency certain set of traits, which we will discuss in this blog series.

Failure does not stop a leader; it works as a stimulus for him to do better. A leader envisions how he can transform an obstacle into an opportunity.With necessary skills at his disposal to do so,the leader bounces back from difficult circumstances.

When the organisation’s reputation is at stake, not all leaders are able to safeguard against sudden crisis that threatens financial well-being, reputation, or survival of the firm or some portion thereof.

Take the example of, PepsiCo’s can tampering rumors (1993)

The crisis: A syringe was allegedly found in a can of Diet Pepsi in Washington state. The following week, more than 50 reports of tampered Diet Pepsi cans sprung up across the country. It turned out to be a hoax.

How PepsiCo responded: Both PepsiCo and the FDA were confident that the reports were fabrications, so the company came out hard, defending itself staunchly against the accusations.

But PepsiCo didn’t make vague statements telling the public to simply trust it. The company produced four videos throughout the crisis, such as a comprehensive report on its soda canning process. The most compelling was a surveillance tape of a woman in a Colorado store putting a syringe into a can of Diet Pepsi behind the store clerk’s back.

PepsiCo North America CEO Craig Weatherup appeared on news stations armed not only with visual evidence of the bogus reports, but with the explicit support of the FDA. He appeared most notably on Nightline with FDA Commissioner David Kessler, and they both assured the public that Diet Pepsi was safe.

The result: The rumors fizzled out within two weeks following multiple arrests by the FDA for filing false reports. Diet Pepsi sales had fallen 2% during the crisis but recovered within a month.The situation required an aggressive defence because PepsiCo hadn’t done anything wrong. If the company remained quiet and complacent the damage could have been far worse.

It doesn’t take a slew of consumer data to support the argument that your regular customers are your rock. As such, taking care of them is not just the right thing to do. It’s also good for business.

Consider the case of regular Gaylord Opryland hotel customer Christina McMenemy, who stayed at the resort three years in a row for the annual BlissDom conference. During each stay McMenemy found herself entranced by one of the features in her hotel room—an alarm clock that played light music; as in, the kind that you’d experience in a highend spa.

McMenemy says, “You probably think I’m insane to obsess over a clock radio.” But, her rationale for her fondness for this item was that she had never slept better than she did while using it. For three years McMenemy tried to find the exact model clock from her hotel room, but to no avail. McMenemy had nearly given up hope when she messaged the company’s Twitter page during her most recent trip to Opryland.

@GaylordOpryland Where can I buy this Sharper Image clock radio in my room? None in stores have the “spa” sounds & I’ve never slept better!

Gaylord Opryland @GaylordOpryland

@mommystory Unfortunately, our version isn’t available to the public, but here is a Shaper Image alarm clock like it: http://amzn.to/ADMXzL .

Christina McMenemy @mommystory

@GaylordOpryland Yeah, that one doesn’t have the spa sound. Been looking for one after loving the 1 in my room for 3yr now at Blissdom. 🙁

Resigned to her fate, she attended the conference and let the alarm clock hunt go. But upon returning to her room she was surprised to find not one but two spa clocks and a letter with her name on it.

Opryland recognized an opportunity to make sure a long-time customer had one of the best experiences ever. And they didn’t just win a customer for life; they also bought plenty of goodwill with folks at the conference (and beyond) who subsequently heard about the story.

“You reaffirmed that there are still companies out there focused on great service, and you’ve made a lifelong fan out of me.” Christina McMenemy.

Customer-centric is an approach to doing business that focuses on providing a positive customer experience both at the point of sale and after the sale in order to drive profit and gain competitive advantage. We reproduce here a series of anecdotes that showcase some ‘customer centric’ efforts of prominent and even not so prominent organizations.

A rigid attitude might just be the antithesis of great customer service. Proving that they’re a company that knows how to have a little fun, this next story from Sainsbury’s supermarket highlights how your support team should spot great opportunities to do things that are quirky and out of the ordinary.

Lily Robinson (three and a half years old) was quite confused by one of Sainsbury’s products called tiger bread. In her eyes, the bread didn’t resemble a tiger at all, and in fact looked very much like a giraffe. It’s hard to disagree with her!

With a little assistance from mom and dad, she wrote a letter to Sainsbury’s customer service department. To her surprise, customer support manager Chris King (age 27 and one-third) told her that he couldn’t agree more. He explained the origins of the name: “I think renaming tiger bread giraffe bread is a brilliant idea – it looks much more like the blotches on a giraffe than the stripes on a tiger, doesn’t it? It is called tiger bread because the first baker who made it a long time ago thought it looked stripey like a tiger. Maybe they were a bit silly.”

Lily’s mom enjoyed the letters and ended up posting them on her blog. Before long, this cute correspondence was a viral hit, and the pressure was on for Sainsbury’s to change the name of the product to the much more appropriate giraffe bread.

Knowing the customer was certainly right in this instance—and spotting an unusual opportunity to do something fun—Sainsbury’s changed the name of the bread and put signs around their stores that give a humorous nod to Lily’s original idea.

Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. To successfully resolve a conflict, one needs to learn and practice the ability to quickly reduce stress in the moment and remain comfortable enough with his/her emotions to react in constructive ways. Staying in touch with one’s own emotions is particularly important in the midst of an argument or a perceived attack. Read on…

Dave runs a marketing company. A client had accepted some work without criticism but, sixty days later, still hadn’t paid up. Dave was getting irritated: after all, cash flow was tight. Dave started emailing his client requesting payment. After a while, he was very surprised to receive an email back from the client asserting various inadequacies with the service Dave’s business had provided and making various allegations of incompetence against Dave’s staff.

Dave was indignant and sent off a long, businesslike and polite email, but one which made his position clear. He got back another email from his client like the first. So Dave responded in kind, and got another unacceptable reply (and no cheque). Dave responded, got another reply (and no cheque).

By this time Dave was frustrated and he called his Business Consultant. Before going on to read the resolution, below, what would you do in Dave’s position? (It’s a safe bet the client could have kept up the emails indefinitely rather than pay up.)

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When Dave called the Consultant, Robert, asked to see the emails. Robert had no way of knowing whether the client was right about the quality of the marketing. On reading the lengthy emails from both parties, it was interesting to see that, under Dave’s polite and business like writing style, there were plenty of little attacks. Robert pointed out that there was a point in the letter where Dave wrote “I attach another copy of the invoice for your convenience”.

“Are you sure you’re doing that for his convenience? Do you know he has lost the previous copy?” Robert asked Dave—it felt a lot more like Dave was electronically waving it under the client’s nose and shouting “pay up!”. Of course the client was giving as good as he got, but Robert didn’t have access to the client, so there was no chance of any mediation process (and no need either).

The obvious point is that Dave and his client were in a fight. Strong word, perhaps, but let’s call a spade a spade.

From this we can say that (1) whether or not he felt he was in the right—or even whether he was right—Dave was colluding with the client in perpetuating the fight. He was as responsible for it as the other party. Most people believe that if you walk away from a fight, the other side is going to walk all over you. This is not usually the case. Dave had to be brave enough to just stop fighting.

Then (2), an attachment to being right (even if you are right!) always stops you moving forward. Dave had to let go of that need to be right, if he wanted the situation to move forward (something most business owners find very hard).

The practical action Dave took was to draft an ultra-clinical, very short and objective response to the client’s recent email, answering the points of fact raised, but not rising to the bait of any allegations, or anything that didn’t have to be answered. He resisted the temptation to have a go at the client, or to ask for the money. To his surprise he got a similarly brief clinical response which required, in turn, an even shorter response.

The client paid up two days later.

________________________________________

There are two principles of emotional intelligence at work here which Dave needed to be reminded of:

(1) If you’re in a fight, you’re equally responsible for it and, if you want it to stop, stop fighting.

(2) An attachment to being right will always stop you moving forward (more precisely it stops you communicating fully and therefore prevents you from finding a resolution).

Applying principles of emotional intelligence almost immediately resolved the problem (at no cost) and Dave’s business got paid. Any other intervention would have been costly and time consuming, at the very least.

Working well with others is a process that begins with emotional awareness and our ability to recognize and understand what other people are experiencing. Once emotional awareness is in play, we can effectively develop additional social/emotional skills that will make our relationships more effective, fruitful and fulfilling.

Martha owns a small chain of shops. It is a mature business, and Martha has decades of experience in retail. For various reasons, she wanted to increase the revenue from the shops and was sure that her sales staff had room to improve their selling skills.

Accordingly she recruited a Consultant to deliver some sales training. Now, the Consultant had no way of knowing at that point whether the staff needed training or not; nor could he be certain that improving the skills of the staff would in itself increase sales. Nevertheless he went ahead with what the client asked for.

As it happens, the store staff felt disinclined to have their skills improved and, during the training session, decided that there was nothing the Consultant could teach them. It was not the happiest of experiences.

In the end, the means by which the business increased its revenue as advised by the Consultant was for Martha to recruit a part time admin assistant.

Before reading, below, how this came about, you might like to ponder the issues this story raises.

Martha’s business, like many small businesses, was run on limited staff. And Martha, like so many owners of small businesses, had a deep belief that it was her job to do all the paperwork.

Now retail is notoriously heavy on paperwork, so Martha spent much time in her office dealing with it all. Her other job was delivering stock to the shops. Having loaded miscellaneous stock into the van, she would drive it to each shop, pausing for no longer than was needed to open the door, thrust the merchandise into the shop and leave for the next one.

When Martha hired an assistant, the following things happened. The assistant did all the paperwork. Martha still delivered stock to the shops but now she was able to spend time with the staff in each location. The staff realised that Martha was as interested in them as she had always claimed but previously had failed to demonstrate. The staff became more enthusiastic about the business. The staff became more motivated and more productive. The staff sold more…

Emotions shape all human interactions. Emotions are particularly important in sales because of the need to engage, understand and motivate customers. Emotional intelligence helps sales professionals to become authentic in their conversations with clients and create positive relationships. When we are able to understand how others feel, we manage relationships and sales situations more successfully and more effectively. Read on…

A few years ago, it was time for Sam to replace his car. Off he went to Bristol Street Motors in Stroud, where he had already bought two second hand cars, in search of a third. He discussed with the salesman his particular needs: “I was quite happy to buy another Ford Focus as I needed fuel efficiency (I did a lot miles then), reliability and so on.” The salesman picked up on the fuel efficiency. “Have you thought of a diesel?”, he asked.

“No”, I replied. “Why not?” “I don’t like them.” “Have you ever driven one?” “No”, Sam had to admit.

“Well, there’s one”, he said, pointing out of the window. “How about giving that a spin?”

Sam didn’t really feel he should decline the offer, so he did. They drove halfway to Cirencester and back and Sam realised that all his prejudices about poor driveability and a sound like an old London taxi were completely irrelevant. What was commendable was that the salesman, who came with Sam, made no attempt to talk about the car, let alone to suggest that he had been right all along. He just sat there, chatting with Sam about what he did at work, and other things. Sam duly bought the car.

The moral: If you want someone to change their opinion, you give them an experience, if you can. Experiences put us in our emotions and that’s the place where we change our views.

Selling is not about you and how you feel. It is about how your prospects feel. Emotions drive sales! Emotions are powerful and they control our thinking, behavior and actions – all the things that also control our motivation to buy. Many sales professionals only communicate at the superficial level of selling features and benefits with a one-size-fits-all approach. This approach creates an unstable foundation when attempting to connect, engage, inspire and build value. Read on…

Jack went to a retail outlet to buy laptops for himself. He made it clear to the salesman that he wanted to buy just two laptops – nothing else – so, when the salesman attempted to sell him some ancillary products, he politely asked him to desist. Moments later, the salesman had a second go, and Jack explained firmly that he only wanted to buy two laptops, so please stop trying to sell him other things. Undaunted, the salesman carried on and Jack felt it necessary to threaten to walk out if the salesman didn’t stop.

Amazingly, the salesman still persisted – so Jack walked out, the laptops not bought. He walked straight into another shop and explained very clearly that all he required was two laptops. The second salesman duly obliged and sold him two laptops. The nice twist in this story is that, apparently, at the billing desk this salesman just happened to mention that Jack would benefit from a certain product – and Jack bought it!

How come the second salesman succeeded where the first failed? The key thing is the intent behind both salesmen’s behaviour. The first salesman’s remuneration is based on performance as defined by value of sales, so the salesman has a clear interest in making the additional sale – as evidenced by his persistence. The second person is on a salary and has no personal interest in whether the client buys or not.

Of course, he has a wider interest in the success of the business of which he is a partner and knows that that success is based at least as much on customer service as it is on price. He believed Jack would find knowledge of the extra product of value. In short, the first salesman was pushing the extra products for his benefit; the second was doing so for the customer’s benefit.

And the twist in the tail of this interpretation is that, of course, the first salesman believed that everything he said was of value to the customer. It was. But the reason he said it was his self-interest; the benefit to the customer was secondary. And Jack picked up this self-interest. Human beings are very good at picking up unconscious communication around needs. Although, consciously, the first salesman surely believed he was acting primarily in the customer’s interest, unconsciously he had a need, had an expectation, that Jack would buy the additional items.

The crux of this article is the observation that people are very good at picking up hidden expectations such as this, and they interpret them as demands. The salesman would never say “I demand you buy this extra item”, but that is the message the customer picked up. We don’t like demands being made on us. We resist them. The louder the demand, the more we resist. Hence Jack walked out when the demands became intolerable.

Because the second salesman wasn’t making an unconscious demand – he was genuinely and simply being helpful – Jack was convinced of the reasonableness of the proposition to buy the additional item. Extreme examples are useful to point out phenomena that are prevalent in a much diluted form – so diluted we don’t notice them. For all of us who do not force our services and products down the throats of prospects, it is worth remembering that the person we are talking to may still be feeling ‘sold to’, may even be aware of a sense of demand. You know that you were being demanding if you feel any sense of disappointment when the prospect declines to buy.

It’s a tough one to eradicate completely, but the principle way forward is for the ‘seller’ to let go of their need to make the sale more important than the buyer’s need to solve a problem. Find out from prospects what their issues and problems are, and demonstrate how your service or product solves them.

Think about a time when you have been overwhelmed by stress. Was it easy to think clearly or make a rational decision? Probably not. In order for you to engage your emotional intelligence, you must also be able use your emotions to make constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately. What should one do in this situation? Read on…

A trainer walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she did so, she raised a glass of water. Everyone expected they’d be asked the old “half empty or half full?” question. Instead, she asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?”

The answers ranged from 8 oz to 16 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. What’s important is how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not heavy. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will be numb and feel paralysed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change but, the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes”.

She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralysed—incapable of doing anything”.

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. Put your burdens down when you can. Don’t carry them for hours and days and months.

Remember to put down the glass!

Being able to connect to our emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection with our changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion influences our thoughts and actions. For this, one has to practice mindfulness. It helps shift our preoccupation with thoughts toward an appreciation of the moment, physical and emotional sensations, and brings a larger perspective on life. Mindfulness calms and focuses us, making us more self-aware in the process. Read on…

Two travelling monks reached a ford in a river where they met a young lady of the night. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders. Together the monks strode through the river until they reached the other side. The monk set the woman down on the other bank. She thanked him and continued her journey.

As the monks continued on their way, one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke with anger. “Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women—let alone that sort of woman—but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!”

“Brother,” the second monk replied, “I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her”.